Grudge Match (2013) * *

Directed by:  Peter Segal

Starring:  Sylvester Stallone, Robert DeNiro, Kim Basinger, Alan Arkin, Kevin Hart, Jon Bernthal, LL Cool J

The plot:  A desperate boxing promoter sets up a fight between feuding retired boxers.

Stallone and DeNiro seem to be having a pretty good time in Grudge Match, a boxing comedy about two old, retired boxers who finally have their long-awaited rematch set up by the son of their late, dubious boxing promoter.    Both are at least on the wrong side of 60 (in real life much more than that), but still carry around plenty of grudges against the other.     Henry "Razor" Sharp (Stallone) and
Billy "Kid" McDonnen (DeNiro) fought each other twice in the early 80s, each winning once.    The rubber match between the two never happened though, as Razor retired from boxing.    

This left Kid empty and frustrated because he didn't get to finish Razor.    Razor in turn nurses a grudge against Kid for having an affair with his then-girlfriend Sally Rose (Basinger) and fathering a child.     A small-time desperate promoter named Dante Slate Jr., the son of both men's late, unscrupulous promoter (Hart) proposes the rubber match after the two men brawl while doing some work for a boxing video game.     Due to desperate finanical situations, they agree to fight despite their advanced age.    Things like medical clearances are not issues in Dante's world, who drives around in a jalopy while promising big bucks to the fighters.  

The first half of Grudge Match is funny and it is fun to watch DeNiro and Stallone do their stuff.    But then the energy level subsides and a lot of sentimental issues are covered, like the introduction of BJ (Bernthal), the son Kid never knew.    Grudge Match doesn't work as well when it lays the sentiment on thick.    The scenes involving Basinger and Stallone also seem perfunctory.     I would've preferred the film continue to explore the sometimes bizarre world of boxing, where there is no such thing as bad publicity.    

Then, we have the issue of the fight itself, which the film was building up to and thus had to be longer and drawn out than it would realistically be.     The two men throw haymakers at each other at will as if they picked up where Rocky 6 left off.     I suppose the film wanted to give the audience its money's worth, but is it really possible these two men could administer such punishment to each other?    Don't brittle bones, achy joints, slowed motor skills, and lessened stamina play any part in this fight?    The answer of course is no.  

It is good to see Stallone play an actual character instead of an indestructible killing machine pushing 70.     In Grudge Match, he is quiet and likable, a study of what Rocky would've been like if he retired after the first Apollo Creed fight.    DeNiro also enjoys himself.     He doesn't walk around with a facial expression of someone who seems to perpetually smell a dirty diaper.    Kevin Hart and Alan Arkin are really one-liner machines and get off some funny ones, but both roles are rather limited.     Basinger does her best in a role that in the grand scheme of things is rather unnecessary.  

Grudge Match is funnier than I expected, but doesn't quite go the distance.    Many of the things in the film are handled better than the fight itself.     I honestly didn't really care who won, just as long as no one got seriously hurt, which is not likely in this film's boxing world. 

Side note:  Something unintentionally funny is the film's use of fake snow, which is seen in small, unmelted white piles all over the place.     If you look hard enough, you can see they're made of plastic.