Ishtar (1987) 1/2 *

Directed by:  Elaine May

Starring:  Dustin Hoffman, Warren Beatty, Isabelle Adjani, Carol Kane, Charles Grodin

Yes, the rating is 1/2 of one star or 1/2 *.    I so rarely see a movie with so little redeeming value that it is possible you may not have seen me award such a rating (if award is even a proper term).     The last movie I recall giving such a rating is Kick-Ass (2010), which was an appalling film.    Ishtar is appalling in a different way. 

Ishtar stars Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman, two legendary actors, as Lyle and Chuck, two delusional, talentless songwriters and singers who aspire to be Simon and Garfunkel.    They see a Simon & Garfunkel album cover in a storefront window and say, "Our song is definitely better than Bridge Over Troubled Water."    Their stage performances leave audiences in stunned silence, and not the good kind of stunned.     Their agent offers them a paying gig in the fictional North African country of Ishtar, which unbeknownst to them is in the midst of potential civil war. 

If the stage performances reflecting the duo's complete lack of talent were funny, we might have been able to forgive the film for swerving into the civil war business.      They are not funny, they are  embarrassing.      I cringed as Beatty and Hoffman were trotted out in front of the camera to belt out lousy renditions of "That's Amore".      Then, the civil war business, which involved dueling CIA agents and international intrigue, was introduced and all hope and any marginal interest was lost.   

I recall the scathing reviews the film received in 1987.    I could not imagine a film starring Beatty and Hoffman and directed by Elaine May would be so bad.     The critics were right and audiences were right to stay away.    Fortunately, both actors recovered nicely.    Dustin Hoffman won a Best Actor Oscar the following year for Rain Man, while Beatty scored with Dick Tracy and Bugsy.     Their careers were far too established to be ruined by Ishtar.  

I can not imagine how Elaine May pitched this premise to the studios.     I understand she had clout, but when does clout expire?    Probably after Ishtar bombed.    I can not imagine what appealed to Beatty and Hoffman enough to star in it, except perhaps their friendship with May.     Beatty and May co-wrote the much more successful Heaven Can Wait (1978).      I supposed they were too blinded in their loyalty to May to realize they were in a dud film.     Or maybe they realized it after shooting started and by then it was too late to back out.    They march along with the enthusiasm of soldiers on a death march.     Even other talents such as Adjani and Grodin as the dueling CIA agents are adrift in a sea of nonsense.    Ishtar earned its very bad reputation.