Passengers (2016) * 1/2

Directed by:  Morten Tyldum

Starring:  Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Michael Sheen, Laurence Fishburne

Passengers taxes the viewer's patience and then you realize there is so little to it.    It is thin soup and we are left underwhelmed.     It is unconvincing on nearly every level.     Sneaky little questions punched their way into my mind, which proved the movie simply wasn't working for me.     Questions such as:   How is a hibernating pod which is supposed to keep someone asleep for 120 years actually tested to see if it works?    Did the manufacturers of this gargantuan spaceship carrying 5,000 people plus crew to a new planet factor in the possibility of being struck by meteors and assorted space debris?    (Probably not).     If the crew and passengers of this ship were supposed to be asleep for all but four months of a 120-year journey, then why are all the lights on throughout the ship?   Questions, questions, and more questions.    The answers are not forthcoming.   

The movie opens with one of the ship's passengers, Jim Preston (Pratt), accidentally awakened from his hibernating pod after only 30 years into a 120-year journey.    It doesn't take long for Jim to figure that he is alone on this vast, sterile spaceship (complete with plenty of nice accommodations though) and awakened 90 years too soon.     He soon learns to have some fun with his lonely situation by learning how to have dance-off contests with hologram opponents and growing a massive Grizzly Adams beard.     It is fortunate for Jim a robot bartender named Arthur (Sheen) is on hand to keep him company, but I had to wonder:   If the humans on board aren't supposed to require a bartender for another 90 years, why is Arthur even functional?    What if his circuits fizzle out long before he could be of use to anyone?    Arthur is essentially the Wilson role in Cast Away, except he can actually speak and isn't a volleyball.    But Sheen is a genial presence, until one crucial scene in which he isn't anymore.    He must have known he would be needed.   His faux pas, whether devious or not, is not referred to again for the rest of the movie.

Jim is not alone for too long.    He falls in love with another sleeper, a journalist named Aurora Lane (Lawrence), who as far as I know is no relation to Lois Lane.    She is beautiful and according to helpful video footage, very intelligent and adventurous.     Then again, there is adventurous and then there is buying a round-trip ticket to the distant planet (which Aurora did) just to write a story which won't see the light of day back on Earth until another 250 years or so.    Anyway, Jim really, really likes Aurora and struggles with his conscience as he contemplates waking her up.    And that's another thing:   How effective is the hibernating pod if it can be disabled with a power screwdriver?

But he does wake her up, although he keeps that a secret while they get to know each other and fall in love.     Of course they fall in love.    There is nobody else around to fall in love with.    Just for the sheer sport of it, wouldn't it have been interesting if a potential suitor for either Jim or Aurora (or both) were to be accidentally awakened as well?   

Passengers covers some of the same ground as Christopher Nolan's Interstellar (2014), in which new distant worlds are explored because Earth is supposedly dying.     In Passengers, Earth is beaten up a little due to overpopulation and stretched resources, but no worse for wear.    So why would someone allow themselves to leave behind their loved ones to take a 120-year journey to a distant planet if it is not even necessary to do so?     And how does the ship restock and refuel when it gets to the new planet?    How does a crew get paid for this journey, considering they are only actually functioning for four months out of the 120 years? 

There I go asking questions again.    But, I can't help myself.     There are threats to Jim and Aurora's ideal love, such as Jim's little secret and the fact the ship seems to be failing.    A crew member (Fishburne) is also woken up, but he is sickly and it is left to Aurora and Jim to fix the problem before the ship fails completely.     Why is the ship going ka-blooey?    Those expecting an answer along the lines of 2001: A Space Odyssey will be sorely disappointed.     Those expecting anything Earth-shattering will also be disappointed.      And that leads me to another question:   Is it safe for a nuclear reactor to be separated from potential exposure by merely a pane of glass or fiberglass which could be easily shattered?    Then there is the helpful female computer voice which tells the characters and us when something malfunctions and danger is imminent, "Oxygen level low,"  "Pressure destabilized,"  "Reactor temperature critical."

I could be here all day asking the questions which only reflect the silliness of Passengers.     Jennifer Lawrence is a great beauty and can carry scenes with conviction, even the heavy load she has to carry here.    I can't really warm up to Chris Pratt.    He acts as if he can't wait to unleash his next snarky remark.    He is not the type of actor we want to be stuck on a vast spaceship with.     Sure, we can feel for his plight, but he never truly conveys how much this all sucks.    And how was able to shave off his beard, but still leave stubble?     And how did his beard grow, but not the hair on top of his head?     My guess is if Aurora had any options aside from Jim to spend her days with, she would jump at the chance.

I suppose this is why trailers should be taken with a grain of salt.    The movie's trailers cleverly disguised the fact that there is nothing going on in this film of consequence.    We begin to realize that there isn't anything to it.    I don't always like when twists are arbitrarily thrown in to plots, but Passengers is a movie that desperately needs one.

One last thing:   Andy Garcia is actually listed in the credits and he appears on screen for a whopping two seconds, complete with a beard.    Was he upset that his role may have been left on the editing room floor?    Or was he happy upon viewing the final product?     What he and the rest of the people aboard discover is not something to be admired or in awe of, but something that resembles the crap that grows on the walls of Wrigley Field.    My first thought would be:   Thank you Jim and Aurora for leaving behind all of this crap to clean up.