Invincible (2006) * * 1/2

Directed by:  Ericcson Core

Starring:  Mark Wahlberg, Greg Kinnear, Elizabeth Banks

I don't know if it's commendable or pathetic that the Philadelphia Eagles held open public tryouts following its dismal 1975 season in hopes of finding new players.      New head coach Dick Vermeil (Kinnear) found a diamond in the rough in 30ish substitute teacher/bartender Vince Papale (Wahlberg) who ultimately landed a spot on special teams.    This should be the actual ending of the movie.    nstead, Invincible continues and tries to find an even happier conclusion in Papale's play.     Most special teamers are anonymous grunts who endure the most brutal hits and the least fame.   It is not a sexy position and there is little glory to be had.   The best the filmmakers could come up with is Papale's recovery of a muffed punt which he runs in for a touchdown.   

This sounds like an uplifting moment.    However, anyone familiar with the rules of football knows muffed punts can not be advanced by the recovering opponent, so this touchdown isn't a touchdown.  The movie hopes you don't know the rules and you fight back tears as Papale celebrates his touchdown with an overwrought, swelling score.    This is like hitting a foul ball with home run distance.  It looks good and your heart soars for a second, but it is ultimately meaningless.

The best parts of Invincible are the look and feel of mid-1970's South Philly.    The movie does a very good job of placing us in this time and place.   The story of Papale is intrinsically watchable.  Let's face it.   How often do we see an everyman land a spot on a professional sports team?    His would-be teammates make it hard on him; bullying the young man at every turn until he wins their respect after getting the tar knocked out of him for the hundredth time.    I suppose these guys never thought how they would handle it if Papale actually, you know, made the team.    Their newfound respect for him after treating him like crap for weeks rings false.    

Mark Wahlberg is physically convincing as Papale, but he does not exhibit the personality the real-life Papale has shown in interviews.   The real Papale is personable and outgoing.   Wahlberg's Papale is so reticent and quiet that there are times he seems exhausted rousing himself to the level of audible speech.   Elizabeth Banks plays Janet, a fellow bartender who falls for Papale days after his wife leaves him.   Vince's wife's departure is never mentioned again.   It simply cleared the way for Janet to enter his life.   Banks is much more sunny and personable.   She is also a New York Giants fan, which draws out boos from the drunken clientele.   I don't know if her Giants fandom is a fact or just a device thrown in there to show how "passionate" Eagles fans are by ripping on her. 

Many of the shots of the now demolished Veterans Stadium and its crowds are CGI.   Back in 2006, it was state of the art, but now it looks cheesy. That is to be expected when using CGI.   The filmmakers should have held tryouts for people to play the fans.  It probably would have been too expensive.   I liked Greg Kinnear as Vermeil, who is a strong, assertive coach with a soft spot in his heart for the underdog Papale.     He tells his wife that it is a hard decision to choose between Papale and another player to fill the final roster spot.     His wife's response, "I think you've already made your decision then."    Kinnear does not look or sound like Vermeil, but he sure has the gravitas of an NFL coach.

What Invincible does, it does well.  When it stumbles, it is very noticeable.  People like underdog stories like Invincible or Rocky because they explore the possibility of one of their own suddenly achieving immortality.  Vince Papale is no one's idea of a Hall of Famer, but he got to live a dream that almost no one in his position ever could.     Plus, it beats substitute teaching.

Young Sherlock Holmes (1985) * * 1/2

Directed by:  Barry Levinson

Starring:  Nicholas Rowe, Alan Cox, Sophie Ward, Anthony Higgins, Freddie Jones, Nigel Stock

Young Sherlock Holmes is a lightweight whodunit in which the basic Sherlock Holmes elements are in place.     The only difference is Sherlock Holmes (Rowe) and John Watson (Cox) are teenagers who meet in a London boarding school and are thrust into investigating a series of bizarre incidents.      If you consider how observant Holmes is, even back then, it is a wonder he isn't able to wrap up any case within 15 minutes.     He is so astute he can see a tiny amount of powder on the ground and determine that it comes from a rare exotic plant that he once saw in someone's office.      Think of the all of the unsolved mysteries that would be solved if Holmes were around today.

Holmes takes it upon itself to look into two seemingly unrelated events which were ruled as suicides by the laziest police detective in London.      Both events involved alumni of the school Holmes attends and both involved strange actions and hallucinations right before allegedly killing themselves.     Holmes smells a rat and investigates further.     His help is not welcomed by the detective, but such matters do not concern Holmes.

Along for the ride besides Watson is Holmes' girlfriend, Elizabeth (Ward), a fetching beauty whose function will inevitably to be put in grave danger by the villains.     Holmes' investigation leads him to a cult that follows ancient Egyptian rituals such as mummification of teenage girls who were recently reported missing.      I don't know what thrill they get out of this practice and I'm sure I don't want to know.     But the set design, music, and costumes are all reminiscent of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984).    No wonder.   Steven Spielberg served as executive producer of Young Sherlock Holmes.

The movie is directed by Barry Levinson, but it has Spielberg's fingerprints all over it, from the visual effects (which are dated) to the whimsical musical score.     There are even early versions of an airplane flying around, which Holmes naturally will soon find himself flying as well.     The tall, lanky Nicholas Rowe is proper, astute, and appropriately cerebral as Holmes.      Watson is shorter, stockier, and not quite as cerebral as his friend, but he is appropriately worshipful of Holmes.    We see the genesis of the relationship fostered in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's novels and many movies, including the most recent incarnations starring Robert Downey, Jr.

There is even a disclaimer before the ending credits calling Young Sherlock Holmes a "fanciful speculation" into how Holmes and Watson met.     It seems Doyle did not cover this in his many Sherlock Holmes works, but does it really even matter?     Anymore, we are inundated with sequels and prequels and prequels of prequels.      We get to see backstories where none are required.     They are just one more clever way to cash in on a franchise.      Young Sherlock Holmes is light, marginally interesting and somewhat fun, but altogether unnecessary.     It is just another repackaged Sherlock Holmes story when all is said and done.     Although this Holmes doesn't engage in bareknuckle fighting like Downey's Holmes, but he is still a decent fencer.    

Bad Words (2014) * 1/2

Directed by:  Jason Bateman

Starring:  Jason Bateman, Kathryn Hahn, Philip Baker Hall, Alison Janney, Rohan Chand, Ben Falcone

Jason Bateman plays Guy Trilby in Bad Words, which is also his directorial debut.     He is a 40ish man who enters a prestigious spelling bee (aimed at grade school participants) through bylaw technicalities in hopes of winning the top prize.     His reasons are made clear later, but he acts like such a jerk through most of the film that we can not make the transition when he starts playing nice.     It is a 180 degree character swerve that leaves us with whiplash.      The movie's tagline is "The end justifies the mean".    No, it doesn't.

Bateman spends a majority of the movie being mean to a reporter who is chronicling his story (Hahn), the stuffy overseers of the contest, and a 10-year old Indian fellow contestant that Guy insults and blows off at every opportunity...until the boy becomes useful to him.     Guy repays the boy by hiring a prostitute to flash her bare boobs at him for 10 seconds.     Very creepy.    Bad Words tries to shock for the sake of shocking, but it's unnecessary.     The tone could have quieter and less vicious.   

Turns out Guy has a sob story of his own.     He never met his father and his mother died recently, not before telling him that he was the product of an affair.     Because we've seen movies before, we know the father will turn up in the story at some point.    We also know the father's identity by applying Roger Ebert's Law of Economy of Characters, which means a seemingly insignificant character must ultimately be Guy's father.     We figure it out rather quickly.    I also realize I have been using Roger Ebert's Movie Glossary a lot these days.     It never goes out of fashion.

I suppose the idea of a 40-year old man whooping (figuratively) the other prepubescent contestants in a spelling bee is expected to be fascinatingly lowbrow.    We are expected to be aghast at such a prospect and begrudgingly admire the filmmakers for pushing boundaries.    The parents of the other kids are outraged.     They demand Guy be disqualified even though the rules do not prohibit him from competing.     It would have been funnier to see Guy maintain his cool while the parents behave like creeps, instead of acting like a creep himself.     The movie thinks that the only way to combat jerks is to be a bigger jerk yourself.

The payoff to Bad Words is unsatisfying as well.    It decides to go syrupy in the last 10 minutes, expecting us to forget the crap we had to endure up to this point.     We are expected to feel all warm inside because Guy may not be such a bad dude at long last.     I was reminded of Bad Santa, although even Bad Santa didn't switch gears in the final minutes and try to become a feel-good comedy.     Bad Words is a movie that pushes the envelope, tears it, and attempts to tape it back up again.       

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story (1993) * * *

Directed by:  Rob Cohen

Starring: Jason Scott Lee, Lauren Holly, Michael Learned, Robert Wagner

Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story is based on the book Bruce Lee: The Man Only I Knew, by Lee's widow Linda.    Like any biopics, there are factual inaccuracies, omitted people and/or events, and other sections pumped up for dramatic effect.     It is still pretty spirited and entertaining anyway.   I go by what is on the screen and, for the most part, it's pretty good.

Jason Scott Lee (a Hawaiian actor unrelated to Bruce Lee) is the right fit for the martial arts superstar.    He is physically gifted and convincing in the martial arts scenes.     He captures the joy and spirit of Lee himself, which separated him from other martial arts stars who took themselves way too seriously.     Others have tried to fill the void left by Lee after his untimely death at 32 in 1973, but no one in either Asian or American cinema has been able to do it.     Lee's star was on the rise when he was stricken with brain edema (in his mistress' apartment- a point left out of the film) and died.    Enter the Dragon (1973) was his last completed film and it was a high point of the genre.    Would Lee have continued to push the boundaries of the genre?    Or was Enter the Dragon the best he could offer and anything after that would have paled in comparison?     We will never know.

Bruce Lee was born in San Francisco and raised in Hong Kong by a superstitious father who was forever fearful that demons (or Death itself) would come after Bruce.   He taught his son English and occasionally dressed him as a girl in order to trick the demons.    If demons are that easily fooled, then they are not much to be scared of.    Lee soon moves to America, settling in Seattle where he works as a dishwasher and creates a new form of martial arts called Jeet Kune Do.   He encounters racism and poverty, but soon teaches his new style to a growing number of students, much to the dismay of the local Chinese leaders.    

He falls for one of his students, Linda Emery (Holly), who falls for and marries Bruce against the wishes of her prejudiced mother, who has an obligatory change of heart later after her first grandchild is born.    Lee's martial arts schools grow into a successful chain and he is soon discovered by a Hollywood producer who casts him as Kato in the late 60's TV series The Green Hornet.     Lee's brief success allows him to pitch a martial arts oriented TV series titled Kung Fu.     Lee envisioned himself as the star, but non-Asian David Carradine was cast and the rest is history.

During his stay in America (and in Hong Kong later), Bruce is involved in a series of fights which are choreographed too similarly to low budget martial arts films to be entirely believable.    But they're fun, even if Lee is able to bend the laws of gravity and physics on his way to victory.     Lee also battles the demons his father always feared.     The demon looks like a knight out of King Arthur's court, but it is sufficiently foreboding.     Their final fight involves the demon coming after Lee's son Brandon, who died a few months before this film's release.    It is poignant watching Bruce protect his son from death.     Brandon was still alive when Dragon was filmed, but the timing of this film's release enriches the scene with extra meaning.

Lee becomes a huge Hong Kong film star after The Green Hornet was cancelled and he moved back there.    Lean, intense, and good looking; Lee transcended the martial arts genre and turned his films into something special.     Enter the Dragon was to be his reintroduction to American audiences.     Bruce Lee imitators (like Bruce Li, Bruce Le, and Bruce Ly) were thrust on to the public after Lee's death, but of course they were mere imitators.    

Dragon moves along well while covering the various high and low points of Lee's brief life.     The score, while moving, is a little too overwrought for this biopic.     Big budget biopics like to throw in inspiring music to underline every success in their subject's life.     If Bruce Lee crossed the street without getting hit by a car, the score triumphantly underscores this.     I recall Invincible, the 2006 Mark Wahlberg football drama in which the music triumphantly announces when the hero scored a touchdown....only the touchdown wasn't actually a touchdown.        

The Lady in the Van (2015) * *

Directed by:  Nicholas Hytner

Starring:  Maggie Smith, Alex Jennings, Jim Broadbent

The Lady in the Van is based on a "mostly true story" as per the credits.     Most movies "based on a true story" are like this anyway.     We know for certain that when a movie is based on a true story, there are elements that are left out while others exaggerated for dramatic effect.      This should not be news to anyone anymore.     If you understand going in that not everything you will see actually happened exactly that way, you will rest easier.   

The story of The Lady in the Van is based on the memoirs of acclaimed author and screenwriter Alan Bennett, played here by Alex Jennings, who reminds us of Truman Capote and/or Elton John whenever he appears on screen.     Bennett is best known for his Oscar-nominated screenplay for The Madness of King George (1994), which discussed King George III's bowel movements as the key to determining his mental health.     ("A person can have a copious bowel movement and still be a complete stranger to reason")    That was a pretty good movie.    Bowel movements play a part in this film too.    I will explain how later. 

The lady of the title is Miss Shepherd (Smith), a vagrant who lives, eats, sleeps, and defecates in her van.     She rarely bathes and the smell of her and her van is referred to time and again.     We can only imagine what she or the van smells like, hoping never to have to actually smell it.     Once in a while, her feces finds itself outside her van and Alan steps in it several times.      Miss Shepherd parks her van on the streets of a quiet, clean London community.     The residents feel bad for her, so they tolerate her to an extent.     Soon, though, all of the curbs are painted yellow and Miss Shepherd refuses to take a hint that she isn't altogether welcome.    

Alan decides to let her park her van in his driveway, where she stays for 15 years while only occasionally being allowed to use Alan's bathroom.      Miss Shepherd is assigned a social worker who drops by every few weeks and chastises Alan for letting her stay in her van.     Alan is not a saint, mind you, but allowing Miss Shepherd to stay in his driveway is saintly.     He begrudgingly begins to care for the clearly batty woman who is hiding a guilty secret which only a few know about.   

As the film opens, we hear (but don't see) Miss Shepherd driving a van that comes into contact with a motorcyclist, killing him instantly and forcing Miss Shepherd to lose her mind.      Her life is a self-imposed penance for her supposed wrongdoings.     She feels she must repent by living in squalor.    Occasionally, a shadowy man (Broadbent) comes by to extract a payoff from her.     We learn why and how later, although it doesn't edify us much.     It adds some suspense to the story only to disappoint us when we learn there isn't much to the relationship.

The movie's tone and score suggest a light comedy.     The Lady in the Van is not necessarily a comic story.    We see Miss Shepherd is not well physically or emotionally.    She is a lot to put up with and her guarded demeanor only allows for so much sympathy before we hope she gets thrown in a home already.     Her behavior is extreme, even for someone who goes to confession every day hoping to be absolved for the same sin she was absolved for the day before...and the day before that.    It is so extreme that we hope there is at least an understandable reason for it.     It turns out there is not.     If anything, Miss Shepherd's actions and behavior over 15 years becomes even more puzzling in light of what really happened.

The Lady in the Van is an unusual story, one Alan might tell his friends about, but not one that necessarily needed to be filmed.      Alan (and his imaginary doppelganger) debate over whether Miss Shepherd's story should even be written about.     I did not find the whole doppelganger angle effective.    Why must Alex Jennings be forced to play two separate Alan Bennetts?    It is a storytelling device that distracts more than it illuminates.     It is a testament to the considerable talent of Maggie Smith that she is able to make us care as much as we are able for Miss Shepherd.     In recent years, Smith has played mostly sarcastic, cynical, world-weary characters with a snarky remark for everything.     Was she still Maggie Smith or has she become the new Phyllis Diller?     In The Lady in the Van, she lays off the snark.    A wise decision considering the woman she plays already has a few strikes against her already.  

Brooklyn (2015) * * 1/2

Directed by:  John Crowley

Starring:  Saorise Ronan, Domhnall Gleeson, Emory Cohen, Julie Walters, Michael Zegen, Jim Broadbent, Fiona Glascott

Brooklyn evokes emotions that many can understand and Saorise Ronan's Oscar-nominated performance is truly remarkable.     But, wow, did it lose its way in the third act.    It doesn't recover.    The late, great Roger Ebert discussed Idiot Plot often.    His exact words:  "Any plot with problems that would be solved instantly if all of the characters were not idiots."    The main character Eilis (Ronan) is no idiot.    But in the third act she conceals a crucial bit of information that would remove a lot of headaches and conflict if she simply revealed it.     Maybe she doesn't reveal it because she wants the best of both worlds.     If that's the case, then she behaves cruelly to two men who do not deserve it.     This is a 180 from the woman who we grow to care about.

The movie opens in early 1950s rural Ireland.     Eilis is in her early 20s working some menial jobs, but not realizing her potential.    Her loving older sister Rose (Glascott) hooks her up with a place to stay and a job in Brooklyn.    Eilis, knowing she will not amount to much in her home country, journeys to New York leaving all she has ever known behind.     Brooklyn handles these scenes and emotions just right.     I moved cross country in 2000 and I could relate to Eilis' feelings.    I'm sure many can.   

Eilis settles into her job in a boarding house run by the strict Mrs. Kehoe (Walters), who keeps a watchful eye on the girls in her charge.     Due to her homesickness, Eilis flounders at first at her job in a department store, but with the help of a kindly priest and an even more sympathetic supervisor, she excels.    The priest even enrolls her in night accounting classes at the local college.     All of this doesn't cost her a dime.     What a country.   

Eilis meets Tony (Cohen), a working class plumber, at a local dance.    They spend time together, get to know one another, and then fall in love.    He is sweet, kind, and worships the ground she walks on.   They agree to marry in secret, which they do right before Eilis needs to return to Ireland after a sad death in her family.     It is during this stretch in which Brooklyn becomes a head scratcher.     In Ireland, Eilis encounters a suitor in Jim Farrell (Gleeson), a local rugby player whom Eilis had a crush on before departing for America.     Jim and Eilis go on dates and see each other.    Eilis receives heartfelt letters from Tony that she throws in a drawer unanswered.     During this whole time, she does not tell Jim or even her friends and family that "SHE IS MARRIED!"    She instead treats Jim and Tony cruelly in her own way.     We are supposed to sympathize with her, I suppose, because she is torn between two men.     But, let's face it, she isn't being very fair.     Why the big secret anyway?    What compels her to act that way?    We don't know.    It is frustrating watching Eilis avoid the obvious explanation that could settle matters in a hurry. 

Things are eventually resolved more or less.    However, we are left with a bad taste in our mouth about Eilis.     For the first two-thirds of Brooklyn, she is strong, caring, determined to better herself, and we like her.     We want her to find happiness with Tony, who is a guy with no flaws except that he is Italian and Eilis never ate pasta before.     Their courtship and eventual relationship is tender and sweet.    It helps her with her homesickness.     We are on the verge of a quiet, yet identifiable story.  

Then comes her return trip to Ireland and everything is undone.    It is a pity.    The performances are real.    The film has potential to be special, but then Eilis behaves in ways that blindside us.     Jim comes about forty years too early for The Wedding Singer, but he would agree with Adam Sandler's reply to his fiancée's explanation for ditching their wedding.     "This is something that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!"  

Sisters (2015) * 1/2

Directed by:  Jason Moore

Starring:  Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, James Brolin, Dianne Wiest, Ike Barinholtz, Maya Rudolph, John Leguizamo, John Cena

Sisters plants the seeds of its own criticism during a scene in which sisters Kate (Fey) and Maura (Poehler) describe an old high school friend as "always on".    I think that is the problem with this movie.    Its stars are always "on".   Tina Fey and Amy Poehler have received a hefty amount of critical praise for their Saturday Night Live and Golden Globe hosting performances.    Fey especially for her dead-on impression of Sarah Palin, while Poehler didn't do so bad herself on Parks and Recreation.  Maybe all of this praise has gone to their heads.  Fey and Poehler approach Sisters seemingly believing that anything they do or say is funny because it is them saying or doing it.   Comedies have mined all of the available humor that slapstick, bodily fluids, and bodily functions has to offer.  No matter who is in front of the camera, funny material is needed.   There are two genuine laughs in Sisters and neither Fey nor Poehler are responsible for them.

There was once upon a time when someone impaling his rectum on a music box or floors collapsing might have been funny.    That time has long passed.     I don't want to sound like I have a giant music box (or stick) up my ass, but I am weary of this humor that appeals to the lowest common denominator.     Sisters covers the same ground as many movies about a party spinning out of control.    I think of Animal House (1978), which remains the superior party animal comedy.    Why?   As I reflect on it, the party scenes were funny because the humor came from the personalities and nature of the people attending it.    Guys like Bluto, Otter, and D-Day weren't just performing stunts for the sake of performing them.   They were extensions of their wacky personalities.  Animal House also knew when to pick its spots.   It didn't hurl verbal and physical humor at you at a relentless pace.   It took time to slow down and rev up for the next big laugh.    It allowed its characters to be characters.  There was actually a subtlety in the midst of the lunacy.

Sisters is about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the temple.   Just to give a little background, Kate and Maura are sisters who are flabbergasted to learn that their parents have sold their childhood home.     They fly to their hometown of Orlando and plan one last major bash before the house is sold to a snooty couple.   This isn't a party like normal people would throw.   This is clearly a movie party, where the supplies needed to pull off all of the sight gags would cost thousands of dollars.  Since Kate is an out-of-work aesthetician and Maura is a nurse, I can not imagine how they could afford the seemingly endless amounts of food, booze, and drugs needed to keep about one hundred people acting like raving lunatics for hours on end.

So what transpires at this bash that takes up nearly an hour of screen time?   The question is more like, what doesn't happen?   We are assaulted with sight gags and verbal volleys until we are more ready to pass out than the partygoers should be.   There is not one laugh generated from any of this.   I am not looking for any deep meaning, but some laughs certainly wouldn't hurt.   The house is turned into a war zone with men and women in their mid-40's acting like destructive teenagers.   Well, movie teenagers anyway.   With the amount of drugs and drink ingested and the physicality of some of the stunts they had to pull off, it is amazing many of them didn't have to be carted off in ambulances.   I began to fear for their health and safety.   The Delta House parties never got this crazy.  

In the middle of all of this is Fey and Poehler, expending so much effort to drag laughs from the viewer.    They try so hard and they really should not try so much.   Less is usually more in comedies.     Fey and Poehler act as joke machines, churning out one joke after another.   I kept waiting for them to take a breath.   The two funny moments in the movie come from John Cena, the WWE superstar who plays a muscular, silent drug dealer in the middle of the chaos.   When he has something to say, we listen, because he doesn't say much.   He is the polar opposite of Fey and Poehler.   

When asked if he has kids, Cena responds, "I'm sure I do."    While taking up Fey on her offer to have a wild time, Cena says, "My safe word is 'keep going'."   The lines are funny, but made funnier because Cena doesn't reach for effect.    He had some of the very few laughs in Trainwreck also.   He may have a future as a screen comedian.    Fey and Poehler could take cues from him.    I have seen Fey and Poehler in interviews and in other work in which they displayed their intelligence and sense of humor.     In Sisters, they try mightily to be funny instead of letting it come naturally.     It has been said that comedy is hard.    But it shouldn't be this hard. 

Snow White & The Huntsman (2012) * 1/2

Directed by:  Rupert Sanders

Starring:  Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth, Charlize Theron, Sam Claffin

This is a movie I saw four years ago and only thought to write a review because its prequel: The Huntsman:  Winter's War has been released today.     The original film received a lot of media coverage because of star Kristen Stewart's affair with the film's married director, Rupert Sanders.     I don't know if that had any direct effect on the box office.     I do know Snow White & The Huntsman is a dreary, gray film where the actors look cold and tired.    It is an action thriller without thrills.    It is a fresh take on a fairy tale that didn't need a fresh take.     The title sounds ridiculous.    It reminds of the scene in Shakespeare in Love in which it was revealed the original title of Romeo & Juliet was "Romeo and Ethel, the Pirate's Daughter."     There are dwarfs in this film, but give me the animated ones any day.

Snow White (Stewart) is a princess imprisoned for most of her life in a tower by her evil stepmother (Theron), who sees Snow White as a threat to her throne and her reign as the hottest woman in the land.     No offense to Stewart, but Theron is much prettier and must be suffering from severe insecurity to think Stewart could possibly top her.     Snow White escapes and plots revenge.    The stepmother hires the drunken, washed up Huntsman (Hemsworth) to track Snow White down and return her to her imprisonment.    

The Huntsman captures Snow White, but the Huntsman soon switches sides and helps Snow White in her quest for vengeance.     The dwarfs get involved to assist.     We are left with a long, long walk back to the castle to war with the Queen's guards and henchmen.     There is so much walking the movie could be an honorary Lord of the Rings sequel.     The Queen herself is capable of dark magic which includes summoning dark birds that can attack at her whim.      She is so supernaturally powerful that you wonder why she needs guards or henchmen.

Snow White & The Huntsman is gloomy.     I was hoping the actors had somewhere warm to go when the director yelled "Cut".    And had plenty of soup, coffee, or hot chocolate on hand.     The castle is one of those medieval abodes you see in movies with no furnishings and just mortar and brick.     Surely, carpet had been invented by then.     Why would the Queen want to live in such a depressing place and rule over such a depressing land?    Other than some people in sparsely populated villages and the dwarfs, there isn't much worth ruling.     It seems like a burden to her to rule this wasteland.

The actors try their mightiest to wring every bit of interest out of this enterprise possible.     Stewart and Hemsworth are physically capable of handling themselves in a fight, although there is not an ounce of chemistry between them.     Maybe there isn't meant to be.     Theron plumbs whatever villainous depths she can to make a suitable baddie.      But the film is bogged down in its own grayness.     I was wishing to see a few moments of sunlight pierce through the clouds and give us temporary relief.     It feels like we are assaulted with mud, dead trees, and skies that haven't allowed sunlight to penetrate in decades.   

Other People's Money (1991) * * * 1/2

 

Directed by:  Norman Jewison

 

Starring:  Danny DeVito, Penelope Ann Miller, Gregory Peck, Piper Laurie, Dean Jones

 

I referenced Other People's Money in my review of Wall Street because both are about greedy corporate raiders who take over companies only to liquidate them.     Wall Street is a drama with an insider point-of-view.     Other People's Money is a lighter romantic comedy which plays to the considerable strengths of its star Danny DeVito.    His Lawrence Garfield is a shrewd, no-nonsense tycoon, but can't help but lust after (or even fall for) his adversary, a sexy corporate lawyer named Kate Sullivan (Miller).

Kate's job is to block Garfield from acquiring New England Wire & Cable, owned by her stepfather Andrew "Jorgy" Jorgensen (Peck).    Jorgy is a well-loved community figure in his native Rhode Island.    He believes in principles and being debt-free, which makes his company a target for Garfield's takeover.      If Jorgy has any weakness, it is his stubborn refusal to recognize that his company is a dinosaur in an ever-changing technological market.     He believes his company will be around forever.      His Chief Operating Officer Bill Coles (Jones) disagrees and makes a crucial decision later favoring security over loyalty.    It is difficult to blame him.

DeVito is a commanding presence.     He oozes confidence and vulnerability sometimes in the same frame.     Sure, he's a greedy SOB, but we like him anyway.     He confesses in the movie's opening monologue, "I love money more than I love the things it can buy."    The market is a game.     Like poker chips, money is the only way to keep score.      Even Kate, who has been around the block, is surprised by Garfield's quest for cash.     She may even like it when he uses come-on lines like, "Let's talk about what I want to talk about.     You and me sweating between satin sheets."     He is honest, sometimes brutally so, but at least we know where we stand with him.  

I enjoyed the little touches that show Garfield in a light you wouldn't expect.     He loves donuts, shares meals with his loyal manservant, and even has boundaries in his financial dealings.    ("I don't take money from the poor or from women,")    I also liked how Garfield, despite his love for Kate, stays the course in his attempts to win the company in a shareholder vote.     I was halfway expecting Garfield to give up on the sale and declare his eternal love for Kate.     I was happy to be wrong.  

We also like Peck, who plays noble and prideful better than almost anyone.    When the shareholder meeting finally comes, Jorgy expounds on the importance of family and community over money.    It is a compelling argument.     Garfield then takes the mike and defends making money.   ("That's the reason you all became shareholders in the first place.   You wanted to make money.    You didn't care if we made wire and cable, fried chicken, or grew tangerines." )    His argument may be a more compelling and practical one.

Other People's Money is fun.     Unlike many movies about the financial market in which we are pelted with jargon and need a degree in finance to decipher, this movie makes it simple to understand.      It doesn't need to wow us with its financial knowledge.     It is more concerned with its people and Garfield's realization is that Kate is one commodity he finds he may not be able to buy.    It has a heart and we like the characters, even Garfield.     If a different actor played him, maybe not so much.   



 

 

 

Wall Street (1987) * * * 1/2

Directed by:  Oliver Stone

Starring:  Charlie Sheen, Michael Douglas, Daryl Hannah, Martin Sheen, Hal Holbrook, Sean Young, John C. McGinley, Terence Stamp, James Spader

Wall Street was meant to be Oliver Stone's cautionary tale about how greed will eventually destroy whatever it touches.    Many future Wall Street brokers did not get that memo.   Gordon Gekko (Douglas) was idolized instead of reviled.   He became a role model for an entire generation of get-rich-quick schemers whose practices would aid in crashing the economy in 2008.  In Boiler Room (2000), some of the characters could recite Gekko's dialogue word for word.   Stone and Douglas teamed up for the 2010 sequel Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, which came closer to communicating Stone's original message more vividly.    

Regardless, Stone's Wall Street is an absorbing snapshot of the financial sector run amok.     There is the appearance of regulation.  The federal government occasionally busts a firm or two because they were so conspicuous with their underhanded practices that an arrest and conviction was like shooting fish in a barrel.   But generally, firms are built and its builders enriched by insider training, dubious accounting, and an ability to wreck people's lives in the quest to strengthen the bottom line.   If you don't believe me, check out Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room (2005).  The Enron brass probably took a cue from Gekko.

Wall Street mostly revolves around upstart stockbroker Bud Fox (Sheen).  He is from a working-class family, worships Gekko, and dreams of one day becoming part of his inner circle and becoming filthy rich in the process.   Bud visits Gekko on his birthday and catches his attention with some inside information about the airline where his father is a union steward.  Gekko takes a liking to Bud, especially when the tip turns into a profit.  He sees a lot of himself in the hungry Wall Street neophyte.  Soon, Bud is trading for big dollars and even bigger stocks.  Gekko is in the business of buying failing companies, breaking them up, and selling off the assets for an even bigger payday.  It is no surprise when Gekko soon sets his sights on the aforementioned airline, which would be thousands of people, including Bud's father, out of work.  Bud asks Gekko why he wants to wreck the airline.  "Because it's wreckable," replies Gekko as only he can.

Douglas won a Best Actor Oscar for his role here.   It is a well-modulated performance of a character who is mostly snake, but part snake oil salesman as well.  He is able to lure naïve protégés like Bud because of the disguise of charm and charisma.   Underneath that is a ruthless corporate raider.  To him, the market is not as much about the money as it is about the game.    His voice trails off in disappointment at a critical juncture and says, "I guess we'll only make $10 million today."   Sure, he loves the perks of a private jet, a Hamptons home, and custom-made suits, but he loves the action even more.   I'm reminded of Danny DeVito's corporate raider Lawrence Garfield in Other People's Money (1991), in which he said, "This is the best game in the world.  You make as much money as you can for as long as you can.     Whoever has the most when he dies wins."  Gekko likely believes the same thing.  

The moral center of the film is Bud's father Carl (Martin Sheen), who sees through Gekko and attempts to warn his son about him.   ("He's using you, kid.    He's got your prick in his back pocket,")   Since Bud is making beaucoup bucks, he is not about to let his father's misgivings stall him, until they suddenly do.   Oliver Stone, who co-wrote and directed, knows the lingo and the milieu well.   His father worked on Wall Street, which gives Stone the insight needed to make us see what makes the Gekkos and Bud Foxes of the world tick.  It also lends weight to the scenes between Martin and Charlie, who are able to handle tricky scenes like a father and son would.  

The crucial scene which makes Douglas' performance so successful is the pitch he makes to shareholders of a paper company he wants to buy and subsequently destroy.     This is the famous "Greed is good" speech, (although Gekko doesn't exactly say those words).   It takes a special type of person to convince people to act against their own best interests.   Gekko is one of those people.  So are many politicians.     Those who watch the news of this year's (and any year's) presidential campaigns can not argue with that.   

Amadeus (1984) * * * *

Directed by:  Milos Forman

Starring:  F. Murray Abraham, Tom Hulce, Elizabeth Berridge, Jeffrey Jones, Roy Dotrice, Cynthia Nixon

Producer Saul Zaentz and director Milos Forman probably had to fight every day with studio executives to achieve their vision of Amadeus.    There are fine actors in it, but no "movie stars".    The film is set in the world of 18th-century classical music.    The leading roles are all performed by Americans and they recite the lines with their American accents.    Forman decided this because he felt British or other accents would be too distracting.     Forman and Zaentz, who collaborated on One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975), risked their stellar reputations to make the movie they wanted.     They succeeded brilliantly.    Amadeus was a box-office success and won eight Academy Awards including Best Picture.

Amadeus is never ponderous as it tells a story of universal human nature that most can understand.     Few can truly relate to being a genius like Mozart was, but many can relate to the envious Salieri (Abraham), who can only stand by and gnash his teeth as Mozart writes masterpieces with such ease it is "as if he is taking dictation from God".     I can write the name Mozart and pretty much everyone knows who I am referring to.    Antonio Salieri was an actual composer who enjoyed considerable success, but is now an obscure figure in classical music history.     He was famous for a while.    Salieri describes himself as "the most famous composer in Europe" at one time, but he knows his works would never stand the test of time like Mozart's.     He was correct.    They didn't.    He can not live with that.

F. Murray Abraham won a Best Actor Oscar for this film.    Before this role of a lifetime, he was a theater actor who played strong supporting roles in Scarface and The Big Fix (1978).     Because he is not a handsome leading man type, he is likely not as familiar to audiences anymore.    In a way, he is a modern day version of Salieri.     His career is distinguished, but he never achieved the immortality of a Pacino, DeNiro, DiCaprio, or a Tom Hanks.     A different actor would have been all wrong.    I am sure many A-listers wanted to take part in this project, but credit Forman and Zaentz for staying true to their vision.    

Salieri tells his story as an older man who attempted suicide while staying in an insane asylum.    He has a captive audience in a young, idealistic priest who assures Salieri, "All men are equal in God's eyes,"   Salieri retorts with the voice of experience: "Are they?"    He then brings up the name Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in equal parts reverence and disdain.     His tale will test the priest's faith in his own assertions with a story of how envy poisoned Salieri enough to plot Mozart's death and steal his last work from him to claim as his own.    

Salieri is a music lover who knows down deep that his own work is amateurish compared to Mozart's.    Mozart wrote operas at age 6 and performed for royalty all over Europe as a child under the watchful eye of his domineering father Leopold (Dotrice).     The adult Mozart is a conceited, immature man who thumbs his nose at authority and dares to question their decisions to ban his operas.     However, we like the young man anyway because of his goofy nature, loud giggle, and his multi-colored wigs.     He would have been right at home as a rock musician or a punk rocker.     It is little wonder the stiff, mannered Salieri can not stand him.     But, oh, does he love his music.

Mozart is married to a buxom woman named Constanze (Berridge), who partly enables his partying lifestyle and excessive drinking, while also watching out for the family finances and defending her beloved "Wolfie" from outsiders.     She also knows when enough is enough and leaves Mozart for a time.     This allows Salieri to anonymously hire a maid for the Mozart home who will spy on him and inform Salieri of what masterpiece he is writing next.     Why does Salieri torment himself?    Is he somehow punishing himself for not having Mozart's ability or genius?     He does not seem to grasp that very, very few people have that sort of ability in any profession.     This news is of no comfort to him.     His mission is to punish God for making him so mediocre by taking away his perfect musical creator.  

Amadeus makes all of the right choices in portraying Mozart not as a tortured genius, but as a likable goofball who only wants to be free to express himself and party.     The story is never weighed down with too much significance or piety.    It is a study of rivalry taken to the extreme, even if the rivalry is in Salieri's mind and heart alone.     It has great music, a fun spirit (even as Salieri's scheme begins to unfold), and is easily relatable to audiences.     Those who shun it because it takes place in 18th century Vienna or because of the music is doing themselves a grave disservice.    Amadeus is entertaining throughout.   

Peter Shaffer wrote the Broadway play on which this movie is based and also adapted the screenplay.    It is to be noted that the real Antonio Salieri did not conspire to kill Mozart or steal his music from his deathbed.    Shaffer's aim was to have people understand the difference between immortal genius and flashes in the pan.     At some point, Salieri may have been richer or even more noteworthy than Mozart.     But, I confess I am not familiar with any of his work.     Mozart's work has stood the test of time.     A Little Night Music is famous over 200 years after it was written.     Fame's shelf life is finite.    Genius is forever.   Salieri would agree.    

Forrest Gump (1994) * * * *

Directed by:  Robert Zemeckis

Starring:  Tom Hanks, Sally Field, Gary Sinise, Robin Wright, Mykelti Williamson, Haley Joel Osment

I recently read a revealing article about the famous scene in Forrest Gump in which Gump is speaking at an anti-Vietnam War demonstration at the Mall in Washington.     His microphone is purposely unplugged, but he speaks anyway even though almost no one can hear him.     Tom Hanks revealed what Gump actually said:  "Some people go to Vietnam and come home to their mamas without any legs.    Some don't come home at all.    That's a bad thing.    That's all I have to say about that."    This is exactly what Forrest Gump would say and how he would say it.     He says only what needs to be said and nothing more.     Many people like to add verbal flourishes because they love to hear themselves talk, they don't know how to be concise, or they are full of shit.     Forrest Gump is about an honest a person as you'll ever meet.    This is an extraordinary movie about him.

For those who are unacquainted with Gump (all three of you), I will describe the story.    Forrest Gump (Hanks) is an Alabama man with a 75 I.Q. born with rickety legs and a doting mother (Field).     He is forced to wear braces on his legs, but soon he frees himself of them and finds he can "run like the wind blows".    The legs take him to many places and smack dab into the major world events of the 1950's to the 1980's, including the Vietnam War for starters.     He has chance encounters with celebrities like Elvis Presley (whom he teaches to swivel his hips), Abbie Hoffman, Presidents Kennedy, Johnson, and Nixon, John Lennon, Dick Cavett....the list goes on.     This is never hokey or silly.    These are events seen through the unfiltered eyes of a man who learns, observes, and processes things in the simplest, yet most profound way.     He says more in one or two sentences than others can say in entire speeches.   

Forrest has been in love with Jenny (Wright) his entire life.    Her life takes numerous twists and turns, yet she always finds a way to cross paths with Forrest.      She starts off as a stripper, becomes a hippie, travels from coast to coast (including Woodstock), and partakes in the 70's disco and drug scenes before finally falling for Forrest too.     She doesn't realize Forrest is the man she's looking for and needs.     She forever tries to talk him out of loving her.     His response is him at his self-aware best:  ("I am not a smart man, but I know what love is.").    

Forrest Gump mixes history, pop culture, and big laughs through observation and examination of Forrest's nature.     Very little escapes him.     President Nixon makes the mistake of putting him up in the Watergate Hotel across from the Democratic National Headquarters.    Forrest makes a call to the police thinking the power is out and THAT is why people were running around the offices in flashlights.     We all know what happened to Nixon.     There are others who bond more closely to Forrest, including Bubba (Williamson) who befriends him in Vietnam, and Lt. Dan Taylor (Sinise), whose life is saved by Gump in battle, but loses his legs.     Lt. Dan is not happy about this outcome.    He sees a battlefield death as the greatest honor possible, but after years of self-pity, reflection, and hitting the bottle, Lt. Dan learns that there is plenty to love about life.     Sinise (Oscar-nominated for his role) goes through the most changes and never steps wrong.     He thanks Forrest years later for saving his life and we see a man at peace at long last.    

Hanks won his second consecutive Best Actor Oscar for his role.    Who else could have played it?   So much happens to Gump and around him, yet he never flinches.    He is consistently himself.     He is never caught up in the moment.    Never aware that he is part of a larger historical context.     Forrest Gump is among the unique and celebrated movie characters in film history.     This is not hyperbole.     Some of the lines and passages from the film are still part of the lexicon of today.   ("Life is like a box of chocolates.    You never know what you're going to get").    Gump's insertion into film and network coverage of famous events is never less than seamless.    We get to see these times through a simpler, fresher set of eyes.     Most of all, we care so much for Forrest through it all.   Forrest Gump is still a rare, unique treasure.  

Midnight Special (2016) * 1/2

Directed by:  Jeff Nichols

Starring:  Michael Shannon, Joel Edgerton, Kirsten Dunst, Jaeden Lieberher, Sam Shepard, Adam Driver, Sean Bridgers

I reread a recent four-star review of Midnight Special on www.rogerebert.com after watching the film myself.      I wanted to see if maybe I missed something that caused the website critic to praise the film while I walked out of feeling complete indifference and asking, "that's it?"    His opinion greatly differs from mine.     He was moved by what he saw as an emotionally powerful film.     This is how the film affected him and movies work differently for different people.     Midnight Special promises a great payoff after a nearly interminable buildup and, like Nichols' 2011 Take Shelter (also starring Shannon), I was underwhelmed by the outcome.     The results were not worth the wait or my stripped patience.     So, rogerebert.com and I will forever be on opposite sides of the fence on this one. 

The buildup doesn't keep the tension wound tightly.    The story doesn't seem to propel itself forward at a rate that it should, so I was never convinced that something truly remarkable was at stake or at hand.     The film reminded me in every way of Take Shelter, including the promise of something awesome that was not delivered.     In that film, Shannon played a construction worker haunted by visions of an impending apocalypse which causes him to build a fallout shelter to protect his family.     The apocalypse itself reminded me of a tornado that didn't make the final cut for Twister.   
Then, the real ending occurs and the movie cuts to the credits before we can bask in its implications.     By then, it didn't much matter.      The movie was a lost cause.

As Midnight Special opens (what exactly does that title mean?), there is an amber alert for a missing child taken from a compound not unlike that constructed by David Koresh.    The boy, named Alton, (Lieberher) is not an ordinary child, but one with special powers such as the ability to emit lasers from his eyes and crashing a satellite using sheer will.    The compound is run by a cultist religious leader (Shepard), who believes Alton will shield them from an upcoming judgment day and base their biblical sermons out of seemingly random numbers Alton revealed to them.   

He sends two men to retrieve Alton from his father Roy (Shannon) and his accomplice Lucas (Edgerton), both of whom discover that the numbers Alton refers to are coordinates to a rendezvous point of some kind.    Roy must get Alton to this meeting point in three days while eluding the cultists and the federal government, who raid the compound in hopes of finding out why the group recites bible passages with the coordinate numbers that also reveal places of special interest to the government.     NSA Agent Paul Sevier (Driver) is brought in to help find Alton.  

The whole business with the coordinates is hard to follow.    You would think a boy who emits laser beams from his eyes and performs telekinetic powers would be able to simply tell his father that they need to go to Bumfuck, Louisiana to meet up with someone or something.     Paul is able to deduce the rendezvous point by staring at a morass of longitudes and latitudes before his big eureka moment in which he circles two numbers and determines this to be the meeting place.     How did Paul do that?    Is he from the same gene pool as Alton?     And does a boy who can do what Alton does really need to be protected by guys with guns?   

Speaking of gene pools.   Alton was conceived by two normal adults who don't appear to have any special powers.     How did Alton wind up with these powers?     Did he possess a very recessive gene?    So many questions.    We are so confused that soon Paul is brought in to meet with Alton and thankfully recaps everything for us.     This doesn't help my enjoyment of the film, but at least I have some idea of what's at stake.   

There are very talented actors here who are at the mercy of a story that requires entirely too much patience to explore and understand.      Roy and his mother Sara (Dunst) understand that Alton has a purpose they don't fully understand, but have faith that it's the right purpose even if they are not included in it.     Alton explains he is caught between this world and an alien world "just above Earth".     When this world is revealed, it reminded me of Tomorrowland with an abundance of ugly weeds growing all over it.     I wondered if they paid the landscaping bill.

The actors doggedly work with seemingly complete faith in Nichols' vision.    They take this stuff so seriously that no humor is allowed to sneak in and give us relief from it.    Shannon is the perfect actor for this material because he is so, so, so serious.     I don't think I have ever seen him smile in his entire career.     That doesn't make him a bad actor.    On the contrary, he is a very good one.    But I know he has a romantic comedy in him somewhere.     He needs the break.  

Midnight Special asks us to make emotional investments in a story that doesn't hold up its end of the bargain.       It is completely convinced of its Depth, but once it's all said and done we realize there wasn't much to it after all.      Midnight Special is part E.T., Starman, Tomorrowland, and The Sixth Sense.    The bad parts.    Nichols wrote and directed the movie with so much gravitas that I almost feel bad to report that his efforts failed.      You hate to see a guy expend so much passion and energy into a project that doesn't ultimately work. 

Legend (2015) * *

Directed by:   Brian Helgeland

Starring:  Tom Hardy, Emily Browning, David Thewlis, Chazz Palmintieri, Taron Egerton, Christopher Eccleston, Paul Anderson

An actor playing dual roles is distracting.     Either one of the roles gets short shrift or you find yourself inspecting the editing when the characters appear in the same frame.     Technology has made the process seamless, but still I'm paying more attention to technical stuff than I am the performances.     It is fortunate that Legend keeps the scenes of Tom Hardy playing both Kray twins in the same shot to a minimum.    It is also unfortunate that the movie isn't all that good anyway.  

I did not see The Krays (1990), the most famous film about the violent criminal twin brothers who ruled London's crime scene in the early 1960's.     So I went into Legend with only a minimal amount of knowledge about them, which is to say I knew their names and I knew they were British.      Hardy plays Reggie, the more sensible of the twins, and Ronnie, who is psychopathic and openly gay in a time when it was still against the law in England to be gay.    I don't think anyone wanted to be the one to inform Ronnie of this fact.

Reggie being more sensible is hardly faint praise.     Don't get me wrong, he is still a violent sociopath, but he at least has enough wits about him to woo an East End girl named Frances (Browning).     Their relationship stops and starts, mostly because Reggie does a prison stretch (or is forever about to do one) while their courtship is in full bloom.      If there is anything that can kill a relationship's momentum, it is when the guy has to go away for six months to serve time on an outstanding warrant.     Reggie receives a nasty beating from the jail guards, but his revenge scene is over before we really get to see the payoff.  

Ronnie is at first locked away in a mental institution where he belongs, but thanks to not-so-subtle threats against his treating psychiatrist, Ronnie is released and the doctor pleads with Reggie to ensure Ronnie takes his two pills a day to keep him sort of level-headed.      This is tough sledding and Ronnie's insanity nearly causes a collapse in the Kray empire while Reggie is away.     The brothers have a love/hate relationship, but are loyal to each other at their peril.     The American mafia subtly muscles in to form a partnership with the Krays, but this is tenuous at best because of Ronnie's unpredictable behavior.   

Legend spends more time on Reggie's story than Ronnie's.     Ronnie is a deranged lunatic and doesn't change.     Hardy plays him with the one note he is given to play.     Reggie at least attempts to create a normal life for himself, forever making promises to Frances to go straight and then breaking them.    Frances cannot stand this life and turns to "Mother's Little Helpers" (as the Rolling Stones song calls them) to manage her dismal existence.     

Hardy is able to maintain two separate, distinct characters (which is made easier because one of them wears glasses) and does the best he can.     But Legend does not seem to have any place to go with this story.    The subplot involving the mafia is extraneous and ultimately dropped without a payoff.    The film is narrated by Frances and this reveals something that the movie thinks is a big surprise, but it really isn't.     It is part of a new narrative structure in films these days in which the narrator is seemingly alive, but in fact is dead.     Is the narrator giving us dictation from heaven?

The Krays, from the way this film plays out, are bigger in reputation and folklore than they were in real life.     They become powerful, but not Bugsy Siegel, Meyer Lansky, or Don Vito Corleone powerful.     Even at the height of their fame, they are still mid-level gangsters at best.     The title "Legend" is hardly apt for this film     Was there a need to tell this story again?  

Daddy's Home (2015) * 1/2

Directed by:  Sean Anders

Starring:  Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Linda Cardellini, Bobby Cannavale, Thomas Haden Church, Hannibal Buress

Let me get this out of the way:  Daddy's Home is superior to The Other Guys, the 2010 Ferrell/Wahlberg film I actually walked out on.    Ferrell and Wahlberg were anchored to a terribly unfunny script there and nothing could save it.    This is not strong praise for Daddy's Home.   You would think they would find a smarter comedy to team up for this time around.     Nope.   They take the path of least resistance even when the movie threatens to actually work.    Why go through the effort of generating laughs based on real human nature if you can just have Ferrell nearly killed in a motorcycle accident?    Or thrown into a wall?   Or have a drunken Ferrell peg a basketball off of a poor cheerleader's head?    

There was once upon a time when such humor was funny.    Like when I was in third grade.    It is disconcerting that comedies go for cheap laughs aimed at a third grader's mentality.    Slapstick is something that needs to be used sparingly and the timing has to be impeccable.    Otherwise, you begin to speculate whether someone actually was hurt.     Daddy's Home represents a day off for these actors who have proven they can do much better.    

The trailers tell the whole story.    A nice, milquetoast man named Brad (Ferrell) marries a nice woman with two kids who don't take to Brad despite his best efforts.     The matters worsen when the kids' biological father Dusty (Wahlberg) enters the picture in a not-so-subtle attempt to win his family back.     Brad doesn't want to create friction, so he invites Dusty to stay in his home.     He may as well give him the deed to the house.    

The two dads engage in an escalating battle of one-upmanship to impress the kids and Sarah.    None of the stunts are funny.    The two guys grow into insufferable jerks.    The funniest actors in the movie aren't even Ferrell or Wahlberg, but Thomas Haden Church, who plays Brad's blunt, inappropriate boss and Hannibal Buress, who plays a handyman Brad fires at Dusty's urging but soon lives in Brad's house.     I won't go into how this happens, except that it is racially charged and the whole episode seems out of place in a family comedy.    Church and Buress generate the most laughs as outsiders to the plot.  

Brad is likable and the obviously more qualified father figure.    Dusty is a lout who sprints from responsibility like a gazelle chased by a cheetah.     Because Daddy's Home is predictable and unimaginative, we know the two will become allies as surely as night follows day.     This leads to a showdown with another bullying parent at a school dance that ends in a dance-off.     I suppose this is funny...in another universe.   

Ferrell and Wahlberg appear to having more fun on this film than The Other Guys.    Wahlberg, in that film, looked upset that he even had to show up on set.     Ferrell simply flailed around with nonsense.     Daddy's Home actually had potential to be a decent comedy about the issues stepfathers encounter with their new families.      Instead, we are stuck with a movie that goes for cheap laughs out of sheer laziness.    Then, it tries for earnestness after these two guys spend the first 90 minutes as enemies.     We shouldn't be surprised by this, just disappointed that Ferrell and Wahlberg can't seem to find a project worthy of their talents. 

p.s.   The movie sounds like it is set in California and the characters attend a "Lakers game", yet the action occurs on the New Orleans Pelicans' home floor even though the Lakers are assumed to be the home team.    Just saying.

The Danish Girl (2015) * * 1/2

Directed by:  Tom Hooper

Starring:  Eddie Redmayne, Alicia Vikander, Ben Whishaw, Sebastian Koch, Amber Heard. Matthias Schoenaerts

Despite The Danish Girl's noble intentions and top notch production values, I was left ambivalent about how much I really cared.      The story has relevance to today's LGBT struggles for acceptance and tolerance.     Einar Wegener (Redmayne), who undergoes gender reassignment surgery, could be considered a pioneer and a poster child for the cause.     The Danish Girl, however, feels muted.     It lacks power and never transcends into true greatness.     We hope everyone is as happy as they can be under the circumstances, but my emotional investment wasn't much greater than that.

The Danish Girl opens in 1920s Copenhagen, based on true events.   This means that the main characters existed, but a lot of dramatic license was taken.    Einar is a painter gaining fame while his wife Gertda (Vikander) struggles with living in his shadow.     She is an able still-life painter, but is unable to sell her work.     They seem pretty happy together, but soon Einar's inner conflict takes hold.     At first, we see him lovingly stroking women's coats as he walks by them.     Gerda soon discovers Einar wearing her slip underneath his clothes.     This is a kinky turn-on to Gerda at first.    For fun, she then helps Einar pick out women's clothes and put on makeup to accompany her to a party as Einar's cousin Lili.   

Matters become complicated quickly, as Lili gains the attention of a man named Henrik (Whishaw), who likely knows Lili isn't who she says she is and doesn't much care.     They kiss and Gerda sees them, which further clouds the issue.     We begin to understand that Einar feels he is a woman trapped in a man's body.    He doesn't just want to dress up as a woman, he wants to be one.     To him, Lili is the real person, while Einar is the disguise.  

Doctors are not sympathetic to Einar's plight.    He is treated for schizophrenia with electroshock therapy, which of course won't help.    He soon finds a doctor in Paris (Koch), who can perform the relatively new gender reassignment surgery.     These surgeries could be life threatening, with a high risk of infection and body rejection, but Einar would rather live (and perhaps die) as his true self than as his false one.     To me and probably everyone else Einar knew, this sounds like too big of a risk to take, but only Einar knows what he knows and feels.  

Gerda is nearly saintly in her support of Einar/Lili.    It is here where their relationship becomes murky.    As Einar transforms into Lili, he treats Gerda coldly.    "Einar is dead.    I need to have a life of my own and you should do the same," he tells Gerda.     In the next breath, however, he wants her to accompany him as he undergoes phase two of the surgery.     Vikander won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role.    It is a difficult performance to pull off as she is torn between her loyalty to her spouse and her understanding that she will lose him.     She manages to be sympathetic and the person many can most identify with in this confusing situation.     Her patience and support make her a viable candidate for sainthood.    

Redmayne, like his Oscar-winning role in The Theory of Everything (2014), undergoes a painstakingly physical transformation from Einar into Lili.     Like his Dr. Stephen Hawking, he plays a real person caught in a struggle that very few can actually relate to.     Redmayne allows us to see inside as much as we possibly can.     He has been terrific in other movies like My Week with Marilyn and Les Miserables where he wasn't asked to do so much heavy lifting.    Maybe his next role should be a straight up romantic comedy.     I'd feel bad for him if he took on The Elephant Man.

What do we make of The Danish Girl?     I admired it without truly feeling it.    Einar and Gerda are sweet, decent people caught in a situation neither expected.   There wasn't a self-help book designed to navigate it at the time.      Are we expected to feel more for the story because of its contemporary relevance?     A great film will make us think and feel no matter what.    The Danish Girl wants to be great in every fiber of its being, but we're left with a competently made film that I wanted to like more than I actually did.