The Kissing Booth 2 (2020) * 1/2

Directed by:  Vince Marcello

Starring:  Joey King, Jacob Elordi, Joel Courtney, Meganne Young, Molly Ringwald, Maisie Richardson-Sellers, Taylor Zakhar Perez

Kissing Booth 2 could qualify as a short film if the characters would simply talk to each other and hold necessary conversations instead of keeping their emotions all bottled up.   Nope, everyone just keeps a lid on it until an awkward Thanksgiving dinner where all of the participants are magically convened at the same table to air out their dirty laundry.   The parents, to their credit, handle this explosive drama with amazing aplomb.

Instead, this sequel to the unlikely 2018 Netflix hit runs over two hours, with its hero Elle (King) pontificating out loud at the end about experiences which many audience members only wish would be the worst of their problems.   I'll encapsulate the misunderstandings which plague these people:   Elle's boyfriend Noah (Elordi) goes off to Harvard and gains a gal pal who Elle suspects might be trying to win her man.   Noah isn't exactly forthcoming about the true nature of their relationship, or much else.  Phone conversations with Noah would probably include interminable stretches of silence.   

Lee (Courtney), Elle's best friend since birth, has a girlfriend named Rachel (Young) who resents Elle hanging around with them all the time.   Rachel breaks up with Lee over this, and of course he doesn't tell Elle to back off because he does what everyone else does in this movie when it comes to speaking up.   Elle has applied to UC Berkeley along with Lee, but also applies to Harvard to be near Noah.   She also has a potential romantic interest in Marco (Perez), a hunky guy who becomes Elle's partner in a video game dance contest where the winners could win $50,000.   The competition takes place in a building large enough to be the Staples Center.   And it appears the prize money comes from the gate, because the arena is packed with wall-to-wall people who have nothing better to do in pre-pandemic Los Angeles than watch a video game dance-off.    It's rather cruel to see Elle lead the nice Marco on, while she pines over the reticent Noah, who may or may not be pining over Elle.

It's bizarre watching the goings-on at the prep school everyone attends.   Appearance and physical fitness must be two prerequisites to getting in.    No one attends that school that couldn't pass for a model or athlete.   The ugliest person at this school would be treated like royalty at any other schools.

Student council holds meetings on the first day of school, where Elle and Lee pitch another kissing booth to far less fanfare than last year.   It's amusing to hear the airhead council members stress that there can't be a kissing booth because there isn't anyone as appealing as Noah to headline it.    What?

They could throw a rock and hit two or three Noah clones.   And everyone is so darn accepting, even the school's Mean Girls clique.   One minor character comes out publicly in front of the whole school and everyone applauds.    One character professes his love for another over the intercom to the raucous cheers of the student body.   Where in Fantasyland is this school?  

Another unintentionally funny moment in Kissing Booth 2 is Molly Ringwald's advice to Elle about doing more listening than talking.   Ringwald's only function in these movies is to walk on, provide the teens some expert advice, and then disappear.   And does Ms. Ringwald not realize that the reason for the blowup at her dinner table was because no one knows how to talk to anyone anymore?    But, no matter, because everyone forgives everyone in the end, and all complications and misunderstandings are cleared up long after they should've been handled with simple explanations.   I'm sure we will have another go-round of this teen drama in Kissing Booth 3, which the ending suggests will happen.   

Elle will be forced to choose between going to two different colleges to be with either Noah or Lee, and judging by each's behavior in this film, she should choose another college far away from either one.

Reality Bites (1994) * 1/2

Directed by:  Ben Stiller

Starring:  Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Janeane Garofalo, Ben Stiller, Steve Zahn, John Mahoney, Joe Don Baker

Four recent college grads have to decide what to do with their lives in Reality Bites, an uneven, clunky romantic comedy in which the hero Lelaina (Ryder) picks the wrong guy in the end over misplaced class loyalty.   Reality Bites wants desperately to make the Ben Stiller character Michael, a hotshot television executive, the bad guy and he's actually a pretty nice guy.   Meanwhile, the other man in Leilana's life is the overly cynical, hostile, chain-smoking layabout Troy (Hawke), who doesn't like that Leilana wants to produce documentaries and works on a local morning TV show.   What a monstrous bore this Troy is.   How Leilana sees anything in this jerk is beyond anyone's comprehension.

But Reality Bites trucks forward to its inevitable conclusion, as Leilana makes wrong career move after wrong career move and we're supposed to be...proud? happy? satisfied?   We just shake our heads, as she does almost anything she can to win the unemployed musician Troy's approval, as if that is something special.    I know, I know, Troy is masking his feelings for Leilana by being scornful and jerky toward her, and Leilana is missing the boat on how insightful and worldly Troy is calling the shots from his couch.   Or actually Leilana's couch, since he is crashing at her place.   

Granted, Leilana's boss, the phony morning show host (Mahoney) is grating, and she has little patience with him, but this is what pays the bills until Leilana can finish her supposedly rousing documentary about she and her friends' lives after college.    The footage will give you vertigo watching it.    Leilana never asks a fundamental question, why would anyone want to see it?    Judging from what was shot already with her shaky video camera, the subjects aren't interesting.   She meets Michael following a car accident.  Yes, he's a yuppie type with a slick car and a high-paying job, but he's sweet and supportive.

Against his better professional judgment, Michael passes the idea of Leilana's documentary to his bosses and they love it (only in the movies) and after sprucing things up for commercial appeal, Leilana is appalled at the finished product and dumps Michael.   Michael, I guess, is supposed to represent the sellout culture by frankly improving Leilana's work by making it palatable.   How dare he mess with Leilana's masterpiece?   

Occasionally, Troy is allowed to be something other than a judgmental prick when his father dies, and I suppose that is meant to humanize him, but it doesn't erase that he was such an unlikable guy for the first three quarters of the movie.   The actors try their best to make something of these people, but the underlying message that all successful people in their 20's are sellouts and those who aren't financially successful yet are the true visionaries is restrictive and silly.    Maybe Leilana and Troy deserve each other after all, and in five years, Leilana will regret her choices.   

The Kissing Booth (2018) * *

Directed by:  Vince Marcello

Starring:  Joey King, Joel Courtney, Jacob Elordi, Molly Ringwald

I am not the intended audience for The Kissing Booth.   That audience would likely enjoy the movie and the world it inhabits, where rich California kids' only major concerns are who they plan to take to the prom or how they'll set up a kissing booth for a school fair.   You would think arranging a kissing booth for a high school event would be a minefield of public relations nightmares for everyone involved, but apparently these folks are still thinking it's the 1980's. 

The Kissing Booth tells the story of two lifelong friends Elle (King) and Lee (Courtney), who are born in the same hospital at the same time and whose mothers are best friends.   They've shared everything together, and you would be forgiven if you figured these two would eventually stop being buds and becomes romantically entangled, but that is not the case.   Elle, instead, has had a crush on Lee's older brother Noah (Elordi), a tall, buff, brooding guy who doesn't speak much and doesn't say much when he does speak.  He likes to punch people too.  Lee is more interesting by default, so Elle should find herself another crush who isn't likely to be jailed on assault charges.

Dating Noah would go against "the rules" Lee and Elle set up when they were six, which includes the dreaded Rule 9, which is neither can date the other's relatives.    But Noah is apparently so irresistible that Elle breaks the arbitrary rule anyway and starts seeing him.    She feels Guilty about it though, because she has to sneak around Lee's back to see Noah.   This of course sets up the obligatory scenes of Lee's discovery of Elle and Noah's romance, Lee pouting, Elle upset, and then the reconciliation which feels pretty forced.   And Noah rides away for a few days on his motorcycle (the ultimate symbol of a brooding loner) to contemplate these events.

There isn't much about The Kissing Booth which isn't predictable, and by definition, most romantic comedies are formulaic.   In between all of the romance are some slapstick scenes where Elle wears a skirt far too short for school regulations, falls a lot, and even sustains a nasty cut which Lee immediately assumes was caused by Noah hitting her.   All of this is an ungainly fit for such lightweight material.   

Joey King, though, is likable and smart enough to stand out with a cookie cutter character in a cookie cutter movie.   Noah towers over her, but she holds her own.   She seems nice enough, and we'd like for her to be okay.   Aside from that, The Kissing Booth is standard young adult fare.   They'll like it, if anything, and enough did because Kissing Booth 2 was made.   

Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) * 1/2

Directed by:  Hal Needham

Starring:  Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Jackie Gleason, Jerry Reed, Dom DeLuise, Mike Henry, Terry Bradshaw, Paul Williams, Pat McCormick

The gang from Smokey and the Bandit are back, and they behave as if they had to be dragged to the set kicking and screaming.   This unnecessary sequel to the 1977 smash hit and far superior film has The Bandit (Reynolds) back in action with his partner-in-crime Snowman (Reed).  They are tasked with moving an elephant from Florida to Texas at the behest of Big Enos and Little Enos (McCormick and Williams), who will pay $400,000 if the elephant arrives sooner rather than later.

Why does the elephant have to be transported?   Something to do with a governor's attempt at reelection.   I dunno, but the plot is simply an excuse for car chases, crashes, and causing more apoplexy in Sheriff Buford T. Justice (Gleason), who chases the Bandit like he did in the first movie.
Gleason hams it up like he did in the first film, but the results aren't nearly as funny.   Smokey and the Bandit wasn't simply a chase movie, but had some genuine wit and some cute byplay between Reynolds and Field.   The couple is together again this time, but the spark is gone because they broke up sometime between the first and second film.

The original film's wit is missing here, and so we simply have a series of forgettable and interchangeable stunts.   Smokey and the Bandit II is a stuntman's wet dream.   So we have Reynolds and Field occupying the same Trans Am again but not enjoying it much. Gleason and his dopey son (Henry), who Field again leaves standing at the altar, are again in hot pursuit.   Dom DeLuise also appears as a gynecologist with a foreign accent who tends to the elephant while sitting in Snowman's trailer.    The movie was already slow before DeLuise arrives on the scene, but then the movie stops dead to watch him do his schtick.

We also see Gleason not only as the sheriff, but as his siblings who help him try to capture the Bandit.  Gleason plays these other characters, who are at least less prone to a stroke than the good Sheriff Justice.   This is a sure sign of desperation by the filmmakers, who by this time were struggling to get a laugh from anyplace they could find.   NFL stars Terry Bradshaw, Mean Joe Greene, and Joe Klecko appear as themselves to assist the Bandit evade the sheriff, as they heard of the Bandit's exploits and are apparently big fans.    The players flip over the sheriff's car upside down as he insults them every step of the way.   This attempt at humor is on par with every other attempt in his uninspired retread which represents something of a cash grab. 

The Warriors (1979) * 1/2

Directed by:  Walter Hill

Starring:  Michael Beck, James Remar, David Patrick Kelly, Lynne Thigpen, Roger Hill, Deborah Van Valkenburgh

The Warriors was directed with style by Walter Hill, but to what end?   It's laughable.   What are all of these gangs fighting over?   Turf?   You can have it, since the city is run down and vacant anyway, and the only thing anyone will be protecting is concrete.  Since this is a New York City where almost nobody except for the gangs walks the streets, what do the gangs do all night?   Who do they mess with?   How do they make money if there is no one to terrorize or intimidate?   How do the Warriors afford their custom-made leather vests which make them look like Village People rejects?   And most importantly, why should we care about their plight? 

When there are this many questions, and many more to follow, then it is impossible for The Warriors to work on any level.    Seeing the Warriors prowl empty streets to jump on empty trains and wander mostly vacant parks at night is ludicrous.   The only other people who seem to occupy New York are cops, who are dispatched to arrest gang members.   But who pays the cops?   Granted, their jobs are made considerably easier because few citizens appear to be around.   I've heard of movie productions using limited extras to cut costs, but in this case it hampers how believable the story is.   Some citizens are peppered in, but few and far between, including a group of promgoers wearing tuxes and dresses.  Maybe everyone else in the city is at that prom. 

Let's get to the plot, because yes there is one.   An enigmatic gang leader named Cyrus calls for a truce between all of the New York City gangs at a gang rally.  Cyrus reckons, with their newfound unity, the gangs will have control of the city, for whatever that's worth.  Cyrus has the gangs' support, until he is fatally shot by a creep (Kelly).   The Warriors are blamed for the assassination, and go on the lam to trek back to their home turf on Coney Island while being tracked by rival gangs, all of which are dispatched by Cyrus' second-in-command who is now in charge of everything .   So what happens should they make it there?   The other gangs would suddenly call off their manhunt because the Warriors made it to Coney Island?   That reminds me of movies where the villains stop chasing the heroes because the heroes crossed a border into another county, state, country, etc. 

Aside from some occasional battles between the Warriors, led by the mostly quiet, contemplative Swan (Beck) and the less quiet and contemplative Ajax (Remar), who can't stand the thought of retreat, and their counterparts, The Warriors is adrift.   The characters are just waiting around for the next fight to happen, or anything to happen.    Even the fight scenes are so heavily choreographed you could be forgiven if you thought they were outtakes from West Side Story.   And we get frequent updates from a radio DJ with breaking news about the outcome of the Warriors' skirmishes with their rivals.   Who is calling into the radio station with the plans and the latest news?   There is also a love interest for Swan thrown in for good measure, which gives Swan something to do while waiting for the next gang to attack.   The others split up, fend for themselves in the female companionship department, and somehow link up with their brethren at the exact moment they're needed. 

James Remar and David Patrick Kelly would appear again in Hill's 48 Hrs. and they both have effective, genuinely off-kilter presences.   The Warriors never tells us why we should be rooting for The Warriors to succeed in their quest.    Because they are the most clean cut of the bunch?   All of them are clean-shaven, have fresh haircuts, and dress kind of stylishly, so I suppose that qualifies them to wear the white hats.   Maybe they are like a character in Easy Money described:  "They're a good boys' gang.  They help people."  I've heard of suspension of disbelief, but there is only so much suspension I can muster for one film. 

Speed (1994) * * * 1/2

Directed by:  Jan de Bont

Starring:  Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, Jeff Daniels, Dennis Hopper, Alan Ruck, Joe Morton, Glenn Plummer

A bomb is triggered on a bus once its speed hits 50 mph. If the bus drops below fifty, the bomb will detonate.  This is the plot of Speed, and it tensely and energetically delivers as realistically as could be expected, not that realism is even the point.  Knowing Los Angeles traffic, how would the bus possibly not slow to under fifty miles per hour?    It's up to LAPD's Jack Traven (Reeves) to board the bus and prevent an explosion which would kill everyone aboard and possibly other people.  The bus encounters one obstacle after another which would surely slow it down, but the bus, and Speed, finds a way to keep going.

Speed begins not with the bus scenario, but a hostage situation in a high-rise elevator.   Two bomb squad veterans (Reeves and Daniels) must rescue the hostages and thwart the bomber, the malicious and money-hungry Howard Payne (Hopper).   Hopper isn't doing this just for kicks, although his laugh and demeanor would suggest he surely enjoys his work, but for millions in ransom money.
Jack and Harry ruin Howard's plans, and Howard is presumed dead after the bomb detonates in the building parking garage.

Fast forward to a few days later, Howard is not dead, but even more pissed and demanding more money, while forcing Jack to play his cat and mouse game with the bus.  Among the bus's passengers is the perky Annie (Bullock), who is forced to drive the bus when the driver is injured.   Annie has to take public transportation due to a suspended license, but Jack can overlook that as she steers clear of one potential disaster after another with nothing but grit and pluck.

Speed has enough chases, crashes, and explosions for two movies.   The movie continually tries to top itself, including another chase on a subway train, and it mostly succeeds.   The payoff involving the subway train is probably a bit too silly even for Speed, but by that point, the movie has been a nonstop thrill ride with a grounded performance by Reeves, who established himself as a movie action hero years before we ever heard of John Wick.

Sleepless in Seattle (1993) * * *

Directed by:  Nora Ephron

Starring:  Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Ross Malinger, Bill Pullman, Rosie O'Donnell, Rob Reiner, Victor Garber, Gaby Hoffman, Rita Wilson, Carey Lowell

You don't think about some of the absurdities of Sleepless in Seattle while watching it, because it is a gentle and sweet romantic comedy which disarms you.   But yes, Annie (Ryan) is a quasi-stalker from Baltimore who falls for a stranger's voice she hears on the radio one night.    The voice belongs to Sam (Hanks), a lonesome widower who lives with his son Jonah (Malinger) in Seattle.   Jonah calls a radio talk show therapist asking to cure his father of his doldrums.   Sam gets on the phone, and the sadness and love he expresses for his departed wife makes many women's hearts, including Annie's, flutter. 

Sam receives hundreds of letters from eligible women willing to marry, or at least date, him.   One of those is Annie, who is engaged to the kind Walter (Pullman) whose only drawback (besides being allergic to numerous things) is that he isn't Sam.   We know how insane it would be for Annie and Sam to get together sight unseen, so writer-director Ephron cleverly works around this by
having Sam and Annie "meet" and have Sam fall in love with Annie at first sight, not knowing that this woman is the Annie who has been stalking, er, curious about him.   Oh, and Jonah also reads Annie's pitch and determines she is the right fit for his dad.    Annie expresses her desire to meet on top of the Empire State Building on Valentine's Day, and Jonah tries to make this happen.

Hanks and Ryan are kind and lovable both together and apart.   An Affair to Remember is referenced and adored by various members of the cast, and it moves some to the point of tears.   Hanks and Victor Garber have a funny scene parodying another's love of the movie with a reenactment of a scene from The Dirty Dozen.    It is difficult to imagine Jonah flying across the country to stand alone at the top of the Empire State Building waiting for a woman he has never met.   More difficult to figure is how his father discovers where he went and boards a plane to go after him without contacting authorities about his son.    I understand with a film like Sleepless in Seattle, you forgive it its trespasses, but come on. 

Black Monday: Season Two (2020) * 1/2 (on Showtime)

Starring:  Don Cheadle, Regina Hall, Andrew Rannells, Paul Scheer, Casey Wilson, Ken Marino

What drives the people in season two of Black Monday isn't greed or money, but revenge.  They want to even the score, and come up with frankly ridiculous, ultra-contrived schemes in which to do so. 
These characters live to screw each other over, and after a while it is a fool's errand to figure out who is doing what to whom and why.   We've long stopped caring, and that is fatal to the series.

Season one ended with the infamous 1987 Black Monday in which the stock market collapsed and Maurice Monroe (Cheadle) fled as his company was being raided by the FBI and his silent partner is chucked out of a window.   Season two begins, and Maurice has relocated to Florida while his not-so-silent partner/unrequited love interest Dawn (Hall) now runs his firm on Wall Street, seemingly flourishing in the months following Black Monday.

Maurice plots his comeback while evading the FBI and law enforcement.   He has help from the now
openly gay and openly bald Keith (Scheer).   Also in the mix is Blair (Rannells), Maurice's protege from season one who tries to negotiate his way through a sham marriage to Tiff (Wilson), while romancing a connected Congressman who he thinks can help him gain power on Wall Street.

Homosexuality is a common theme in season two.   Blair and Keith are embracing theirs, while also using it as a way to blackmail others.    Maurice uses a lot of cocaine and homoerotic humor to plot and manipulate schemes which depend on such arbitrary happenings as the outcome of traffic accidents.  And if those don't work, he has plans B or C which are equally unlikely, but somehow keep working out for him.   But, why should we care if Maurice or the rest of the loathsome characters get anything they want?   They should all wind up in prison. 

What Black Monday fails to understand is if there is no rooting interest for the viewer, then all of
this backstabbing and double and triple and quadruple crosses are for naught.   The show stopped being about the characters a long time ago, and thinks we care more about the game.   If there is a season three, it will be more of the same, so count me out.