Retribution (2023) * * 1/2

Directed by:  Nimrod Antal

Starring:  Liam Neeson, Embeth Davidtz, Matthew Modine, Noma Dumezweni, Jack Champion, Lily Aspell

Spoiler alert:  Liam Neeson's character does not invoke his usual special set of skills in Retribution, a decent thriller undone by an ending which defies logic on the part of the villain.   Neeson spends the majority of the movie behind the wheel of his car because there is a bomb underneath his seat which will trigger if he or his children tries to leave the vehicle.   It's like Speed, except Neeson's Matt Turner, a Berlin-based investment banker, doesn't have to maintain above 50 miles per hour.  

Matt has family issues as Retribution begins:  His workaholic nature has caused his wife (Davidtz) to seek a divorce, while his children Zach (Champion) and Emily (Aspell) fight with each other and disrespect their dad.  Matt agrees to take his children to school and soon discovers a mysterious burner phone, which belongs to neither his wife nor kids, in the car ringing.  If Matt never picked up the call, we would have no movie, so he answers the mystery phone.  A computer-disguised voice on the other end informs him of the bomb under the driver's seat which was triggered when Matt sat down.  Any attempts by Matt or his children to get out of the car will result in the bomb detonating.  

It turns out some of Matt's partners in the investment firm were killed in car bombs earlier in the day, and only Matt and his boss and best friend Anders (Modine) remain alive, although Anders soon bites the dust in an explosion in which Matt is framed as the bomber.   The bomber wants the money hidden in a slush fund from a Dubai account which the virtuous Matt believes is slated as insurance for investors who might go broke if the firm goes belly-up.  Instead it is really meant as a golden parachute for the partners, unbeknownst to Matt.   No matter, the bomber wants all of it:  208 million Euros, which equates to $224 million.  

On Matt's heels is Interpol, which suspects Matt may be responsible for the bombings, Berlin police, and any other authorities you can think of.   I won't go too far into the plot to avoid any further spoilers, except to say the final twenty minutes only occurs so we can find out the identity of the bomber.   I can't imagine that person would agree to meet Matt face-to-face.  I also can't believe the person, who orchestrated all of these bombings, couldn't arrange it so he wouldn't need Matt to authorize a transfer of the money in the fund.   However, I suppose Retribution plays by the rules so we would find out who the bomber is and Matt could gain revenge on him.  

And Just Like That...(2023-Season Two) * * *

 

Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, Evan Handler, Sara Ramirez, Nicole Ari Parker, Sarita Choudhury, John Corbett, Ivan Hernandez, Christopher Jackson, Karen Pittman, David Eigenberg, Sebastiano Pigazzi, Mario Cantone, Karen Pittman

The second season of the continuation of Sex and the City remains engaging on its own terms.   Carrie (Jessica Parker), Miranda (Nixon), and Charlotte (Davis) continue their story arcs from last season with Carrie hooking up with a guy from Sex and the City past in Aidan (Corbett), who is now a divorced father of three living in Virginia.   He's an affable man who towers over Carrie and has issues with being in Carrie's apartment.   Aidan's a nice enough guy, but is he worth Carrie telling everyone that Mr. Big (whom she married and spent many years with) was a mistake because she married him and not Aidan?  

Aidan and Carrie's relationship is just one of the many subplots in And Just Like That...  Carrie is now wealthy thanks to Mr. Big's death, but her wardrobe hasn't changed significantly from the original series where she could somehow afford all of those shoes and dresses as a part-time freelance writer in New York.  Miranda is in a relationship with Che (Ramirez), the non-binary comedian who is tapped to star in her own television series featuring Tony Danza as her father.   Neither the series nor the relationship with Miranda ends well for Che, who spends the rest of the series on the fringes after breaking up with Miranda.  Poor Steve (Eigenberg), Miranda's estranged husband who still lives with her (in separate bedrooms) and proves that he's still way too good a person to be subjected to Miranda.   I understand Miranda is on a self-discovering sexual journey, but the way she cruelly dumped Steve still stings. 

Charlotte and Harry (Handler) are still happily married with two children.  Last season, much was made about one of their daughters converting to non-binary, but this plotline is all but forgotten this season despite Roc's fledgling modeling career.  Harry's law partner Herbert (Jackson) and his wife Lisa (Ari Parker) find themselves dealing with an ill-timed pregnancy just when Herbert announces he's running for mayor and Lisa's filmmaking career is finally taking off.   Carrie's realtor friend Seema (Choudhury) finds herself falling for a hot Hollywood director (Hernandez) and fighting it every step of the way.  Miranda's law professor friend Dr. Nya Wallace (Pittman) is fighting through loneliness following a divorce.  There is even a subplot from the funny Anthony (Cantone), who runs his own bakery and hires only male model-types to make deliveries.   He is soon falling for Italian poet Giuseppe (Pigazzi) who works at his bakery and finds himself in a dilemma when Giuseppe asks him to be the bottom once in a while in the relationship, causing consternation from Anthony.

Did you get all that?  Good, there will be a quiz.  And Just Like That...juggles these stories and keeps them fresh even as the world wishes it had some of these characters' problems.   

The Bad News Bears (1976) * * *

 

Directed by:  Michael Ritchie

Starring:  Walter Matthau, Tatum O'Neal, Vic Morrow, Joyce Van Patten, Jackie Earle Haley, Chris Barnes

The Bad News Bears equally satirizes the scrappy titular little league team of misfits and the Little League Parent.   I don't recall any such term being used back in the late 1970's to describe the overly zealous parents who verbally and physically abuse umpires and yell at coaches who don't give their children enough playing time.  Perhaps there wasn't a term for this phenomenon yet, but the personality type was there in full bloom.  Little League was created so kids could experience playing sports and being part of a team.  Then, it became about the adults who act with less maturity than the players.  Coaches and umpires donate their leisure time so kids can play.   They aren't paid, but that doesn't stop a parent from grilling an umpire on a missed strike call.  I deeply commend the adults who sacrifice their precious time for a thankless job.  

This Bad News Bears movie captures that dynamic and shows we haven't much evolved in the nearly fifty years since the movie's release.   Walter Matthau, playing the ever lovable curmudgeon, is Morris Buttermaker, a pool cleaner hired by a liberal city councilman to coach a team of different races to see if such a team could play in a mostly white little league.  (Remember this is 1976)  Buttermaker is a former minor leaguer turned alcoholic who drinks beer in his car and even in the dugout during practices and games.  No one comments on this, although I can't imagine it was acceptable behavior even back then.   Try as he might, Morris is unable to turn his team into one that doesn't lose 20-0 every game until he recruits Amanda (O'Neal), the daughter of his former girlfriend, to pitch.  She has a great arm, and once Morris recruits motorcycle-riding Kelly Leak (Haley) as his star hitter, things perk up for the Bears.

Does the team gel?  Do they get their act together in time to play for the league championship?  Will Buttermaker get his own act together?  Yes, Yes, and kind of.   Matthau plays irascible better than anyone and O'Neal matches him as the tough girl who doesn't like to show her sensitivity.   She and Matthau have an argument which cuts both very deep, and heaven forbid either shows it to anyone.  On the flip side of Buttermaker is Roy Turner (Morrow), coach of the rival Yankees who shows mostly disdain for Buttermaker and the Bears under a guise of civility and sportsmanship.  He keeps his anger under wraps until a critical moment in the championship game where his true colors are revealed. 

The Bad News Bears follows a traditional sports movie formula arc well and who wouldn't like to see the slobs beat the snobs, whose cruelty is masked under faux sportsmanship.   It worked brilliantly two years later in Animal House, and who's to say the writers weren't following The Bad News Bears' lead?  

Courage under Fire (1996) * * * 1/2

 

Directed by: Edward Zwick

Starring:  Denzel Washington, Meg Ryan, Matt Damon, Lou Diamond Phillips, Michael Moriarty, Bronson Pinchot, Sean Astin, Scott Glenn, Regina Taylor, Seth Gilliam

Courage under Fire reunites Denzel Washington with his Glory director Edward Zwick and the results are powerful and challenging.  Washington plays Lt. Colonel Nathan Serling, who is assigned by the Pentagon to investigate deceased army captain Karen Walden's (Ryan) nomination for a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor and the circumstances surrounding her death in battle during the Gulf War.  Serling is a psychologically wounded alcoholic involved in a recent battlefield miscommunication which resulted in an American soldier being killed by friendly fire.  Serling's superior and friend General Hershberg (Moriarty) assigns him the Walden case in order to deflect heat from him and with hopes the grateful Serling will rubber stamp the nomination and the Pentagon will have a feel-good moment of the medal being placed around Walden's daughter's neck. 

Serling interviews the surviving members of Walden's crew including Ilario (Damon), Monfriez (Diamond Phillips), and Altameyer (Gilliam), all of whom recall a terrifying 24 hours in which Walden is painted as a hero, a coward, indecisive, or all three.  We see the events from each soldier's point of view, and we know something is being concealed.  Ilario is too forthcoming, Monfriez is not forthcoming enough, and Altameyer is in a VA hospital begging for morphine.  Serling searches deeper and deeper for the truth, while also grappling with the truth of his own controversy involving the soldier killed on his watch.  Did he accidentally give the order to open fire on what he thought was an enemy tank?   

General Hershberg is pressuring Serling for the report sooner rather than later, completeness and thoroughness be damned, while former Marine-turned-Washington Post reporter Gartner (Glenn) is poking around looking for more than the official story on the investigation into the death of the soldier in Serling's unit.  Serling also moved out on his loving wife (Taylor) and children, and while she understands his fragile state of mind, she also lets him know she won't wait forever for his return.  Serling is home from the Middle East, but only physically.   Washington gives a brilliant performance as a man under intense scrutiny and inner conflict who decides to follow his investigation wherever it may lead.   Ryan was playing against type this time as the tough, determined Walden instead of as a romantic comedy lead.   I've said before Ryan had more smiles than most people have expressions, but here we don't see the pearly whites all that much, just grit and focus. 

The stories all lead to two powerful payoffs, one expected and one not as expected.  Courage under Fire is a compelling mystery which follows the nature of war to its complicated conclusions, whatever they may be.  

Strays (2023) * 1/2

Directed by:  Josh Greenbaum

Starring:  (voices of) Will Ferrell, Jamie Foxx, Isla Fisher, Randall Park, Will Forte (as Doug)

Strays is a gross-out comedy which starts out on a note of animal cruelty and grows increasingly depressing as the film wears on with its tired, lame gags involving vomit, dog poop, and dogs getting high on mushrooms.   People getting high on film hasn't been funny since the days of Cheech and Chong and it isn't much funnier with dogs replacing the people.   

The plot:  Two-year-old sweet, naive terrier Reggie (voiced by Ferrell) is abused daily by the slovenly, mean, nasty Doug (Forte).   Doug only kept Reggie out of spite when his girlfriend wisely broke up with him, but he mostly tells the dog to piss off while he masturbates to porn, kicks him out of the house all day, and then abandons Reggie miles away from home in a cornfield in hopes he won't come back.  Poor Reggie thinks of this as a game called "Fetch and Fuck", because whenever Reggie comes home, Doug says, "Fuck".   While it takes considerable nerve for Forte to play such a loathsome, irredeemable subhuman like Doug, these passages are not funny or entertaining in any way.   It sets Strays up on an irrecoverable path of gloominess.  

One day, Doug drives three hours to drop off Reggie in the middle of a big city alley, assuming Reggie would finally take a hint.  Reggie thinks of this as the ultimate game of "Fetch and Fuck", but is nearly mugged by two other dogs until saved by Boston terrier Bug (voiced by Foxx).  Reggie and Bug soon hook up with two other unwanted dogs named Maggie and Hunter (Fisher and Park), who like each other more than just platonically.   The dogs are all adorable.  The plot they find themselves in is not.  Reggie gradually understands that Doug is indeed a cruel, horrible man and was trying to get rid of him, not play with him.  Reggie's mission is to return home in order to bite Doug's genitalia off as payback for the poor treatment.

Along the way, the dogs find themselves in misadventures in which dog bodily functions play a huge part, and then Reggie finally makes it home (did you suspect he wouldn't?) to find Doug snarling and hurling insults at him before trying to bash him and his friends with a baseball bat.   Then, of course, Reggie takes full advantage of his chance to bite Doug in his nether regions, and not in a comical way, but a bloody one.  I suppose I can't blame Reggie for wanting to bite Doug's dong off, but the payoff doesn't work because the entire story arc is awfully vicious for a comedy.  I hope parents don't bring the kids thinking it will be a cute movie about talking animals.  

Gran Turismo (2023) * * *

Directed by:  Neill Blomkamp

Starring:  Archie Madekwe, David Harbour, Orlando Bloom, Geri Halliwell, Djimon Hounsou, Darren Bennet, Josha Stradowski

Gran Turismo's plot sounds like something out of a video-game player's fantasy, but is based on a true story of Jann Mardenborough (Madekwe), a teenage Gran Turismo player who became a professional race car driver.  I hadn't heard of Mardenborough prior to this movie and I haven't read anything about him since.  Movies "based on a true story" take license to create the optimum dramatic effect.   I didn't want to disrupt the magic of Gran Turismo by reading a Wikipedia article telling me how eighty percent of the movie was bullshit.  

Maybe most or all of Gran Turismo happened or maybe most or all of it didn't happen, but what's here is absorbing and intense.   We find ourselves caring and that is what matters most.   Neill Blomkamp's film takes time to explain how real race car driving is radically different than a video game.   I know, duh, but the person who is our portal to the world of professional racing is former racer-turned-chief-engineer Jack Salter (Harbour).   How did Jann even get the opportunity to race professionally?  Nissan sales executive Danny Moore (Bloom) successfully pitches the Nissan board in Tokyo to promote a contest in which one lucky Gran Turismo player can race on the European circuit.  Ten players worldwide qualify to participate in Nissan Academy, led by Danny and Jack, who put the racers through hell in order to weed out who even has a remote chance of being a successful driver. 

Jack resents the idea of video-game players trying to invade the sport he loves, but it beats working for cocky creeps like his former boss Nicholas Capa (Stradowski), who is the movie's villain who we want to see Jann defeat on his way to glory, like Cary Elwes' character in Days of Thunder.   Blomkamp's staging of the races allow us to know what is happening and why.  They are presented realistically, rivaling Ford v. Ferrari in that department.  And just like Ford v. Ferrari, Gran Turismo's final race is Le Mans, where Jann and two other members of Nissan Academy take on resentful competition who view the "gamers" with disdain.  

Madekwe plays Jann with a quiet intensity which grows more convincing as the film goes on.  Harbour's performance and character are at the heart of the film.   He's the insider who has no confidence that Jann could hang with the pros, but becomes a believer.   Jann has a love interest and a family that initially doesn't believe in him, but these subplots seem dropped in than based on real life.   These are the only tropes which slow Gran Turismo down, but only briefly, because in the end, we find ourselves wrapped up in Jann's story.  How much of it is true?  I don't know and at this point, I don't want to know. 

The Lincoln Lawyer-Season Two (2023) * * *

Streaming on Netflix.

Starring:  Manuel Garcia Rulfo, Neve Campbell, Becki Newton, Christopher Gorham, Angus Sampson, Jazz Raycole, Lana Parrilla, Krista Warner, Matt Angel, Elliott Gould 

Season two of The Lincoln Lawyer settles into successful courtroom formula.  The Lincoln Lawyer Mick Haller (Rulfo) rarely conducts business from the back of a Lincoln, but has his own posh office in downtown Los Angeles with a loyal staff consisting of ex-wife Lorna (Newton), her fiance Cisco (Sampson), and his driver Izzy (Raycole).   As the season opens, Mick is inundated with publicity and new clients.  His first new one presents a dilemma straight out of the 2011 movie, in which the person responsible for the rape and murder of a prostitute (unbeknownst to Mick) hires Mick in order to avoid prosecution for the crime which landed an innocent man (also Mick's client) in prison.  At the end of last season, the innocent man was freed, but the police are investigating again.  How can Mick save his innocent client from fresh charges when he now knows who really committed the crime has retained him?  

I won't explain how Mick is able to think his way out of this ethical and moral quandary, but this issue is resolved fairly quickly.   This was the appetizer.  The main course (no pun intended) involves a restaurant owner named Lisa Trammell (Parrilla) to whom Mick becomes romantically involved and is later accused of murdering a powerful real estate magnate who wants to buy her restaurant and raze it to build condos or something.  The old land deal trope has reared its ugly head.   Lisa insists she is innocent, which Mick has heard from nearly every client he defends, but Mick believes her and creates a defense for Lisa which becomes trickier when it is discovered she had a restraining order taken out on her by the victim.  She was even caught on camera assaulting him.  Also lying in the weeds is a podcaster friend of Lisa's (Angel) looking to make beaucoup dollars off the case.

The Lincoln Lawyer follows the success of its first season by playing to its strengths in this season.  Rulfo confidently handles the lead role of the lawyer who can play the angles and exploit an opening to his client's benefit.   The episodes move along swiftly with the built-in suspense of courtroom drama propelling them and we find ourselves caring about the outcome.  However, without revealing any spoilers, I am starting to become aware of the possibility of a twist at the end in which the client Mick just got off a murder charge is discovered to be...  This may dilute my interest in the trial portion of future seasons because we will know that despite all of Mick's efforts, the client will be up to something anyway.   But for now, The Lincoln Lawyer works on its own merits and stands apart from the famed movie starring what's-his-face.  

Rob Roy (1995) * * * 1/2

 

Directed by:  Michael Caton-Jones

Starring:  Liam Neeson, Jessica Lange, Tim Roth, John Hurt, Andrew Keir, Eric Stoltz, Brian Cox, Brian McCardle, Gilbert Martin

The real Robert Roy MacGregor was an outlaw and more controversial than the noble and true hero depicted here, but that's the way of movies sometimes.  Braveheart turned William Wallace into a legend and Robert the Bruce into a moronic puppet, when in reality, Robert the Bruce was heroic and Wallace but a footnote in Scottish history.   True stories aside, Rob Roy is an engrossing action thriller with tall, principled hero Robert Roy MacGregor (Neeson) running afoul of greedy, amoral aristocrat Marquis of Montrose (Hurt) to whom Robert owes one thousand pounds. 

Robert's initial plan was to borrow one thousand pounds from the Marquis to fatten his cattle and sell them for a profit.   The word of the loan reaches the deceitful Killearn (Cox), who informs the Marquis' broke nephew Archibald Cunningham (Roth) in hopes that the desperate Cunningham would steal the money.  Cunningham waylays Robert's representative and friend McDonald (Stoltz) as McDonald is returning to Robert's home with the money.   Robert is now penniless and goes to the Marquis for an extension or a resolution to the issue.  The Marquis wants Robert to falsely denounce the Marquis' enemy Duke of Argyll (Keir) as a Jacobite, or a supporter of the deposed King James.   Robert refuses to bear false witness, and after resisting arrest, is now on the run in the Scottish Highlands from Cunningham and the Redcoats.

Cunningham is one of the most loathsome, devious, and cunning villains I've ever seen, and I'm not prone to hyperbole.   He makes someone like the Marquis seem civilized by comparison.  His list of offenses including destroying Robert's property, impregnating one of the Marquis' staff and coldly dumping her, and then raping Robert's loyal, strong wife Mary (Lange) with the attitude that it's all in a day's work.   Tim Roth, Oscar-nominated for his role as Cunningham, can barely conceal his glee as the ruthless swordsman, the antithesis of Rob Roy.

Rob Roy is propped up by its dastardly villains and its tried-and-true good vs. evil story.  The movie ends with a sword duel between Rob Roy and Cunningham which is not only expertly choreographed, but a study in characters and personalities.   Rob Roy chooses a heavy broadsword which fatigues him to carry especially as Cunningham is slicing him up with the rapier, but all he wants is one shot with the sword to end the showoff Cunningham.   

Rob Roy is more than costume drama and swordplay, but a study in opposites and people we care about.  As stated at the top, it is involving, and when the final battle occurs, it isn't simply mindless violence, but a fight in which we feel the stakes. 

Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise (1987) * * 1/2

 

Directed by: Joe Roth

Starring:  Robert Carradine, Timothy Busfield, Donald Gibb, Bradley Whitford, Curtis Armstrong, Larry B. Scott, Andrew Cassesse, Ed Lauter, Anthony Edwards, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Priscilla Lopez, James Hong, Barry Sobel

Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise brings the Tri-Lambs (or nerds as they're known to the rest of the world) to Fort Lauderdale and they are once again persecuted by the Alpha Betas, who have taken their hatred for nerds national.  Returning for this sequel are Lewis (Carradine), Arnold Poindexter (Busfield), Booger (Armstrong), Lamar (Scott), and Wormser (Cassesse), who has sprouted in the three years since the first film.  

The guys think they've gained respect since they were able to usurp the jocks at their college, but they find themselves with cancelled hotel reservations, being pranked, and thrown in jail for a crime they didn't commit, all courtesy of the Alpha Betas led by Roger Lattimore (Whitford) who makes Stan Gable from the first film tame by comparison.   Also along with the Alpha Betas is Ogre (Gibb), who still obsesses over making nerds' lives miserable.  However, his character's arc takes an unexpected turn later.  The Tri-Lambs only wanted to attend a national fraternity conference and enjoy the sun and babes of Fort Lauderdale, but nope.  

The nerds stay at the dumpy Hotel Corral Essex, and when certain bulbs on the neon sign are burned out, reads Hot Oral Sex.  It has a pool which resembles a toxic waste dump, a Ricky Ricardo wing, and a denizen named Edgar Poe Wong (Hong), who is even more gross than Booger if that's possible.  Lewis' girl Betty doesn't appear in this film, freeing him up to pursue the kind blonde hotel clerk Sunny (Thorne-Smith) as a love interest.  Anthony Edwards appears in a cameo as Gilbert, but since he's laid up with a broken leg from a chess game, he is no go for Fort Lauderdale.  

This sequel doesn't have the rowdy magic of the original film, but it has its moments, and the villains are dastardly enough for us to root for their comeuppance.  Don't ask me how the group is able to escape from a deserted island in the middle of the ocean using an old tank left on the island and arrive just in time to interrupt an important meeting vote, but I suppose you don't watch a movie like Revenge of the Nerds II for abject realism. 

Revenge of the Nerds (1984) * * *

 

Directed by:  Jeff Kanew

Starring:  Robert Carradine, Anthony Edwards, John Goodman, Ted McGinley, Donald Gibb, Matthew Salinger, James Cromwell, Curtis Armstrong, Larry B. Scott, Brian Tochi, Andrew Cassesse, Bernie Casey, Julie Montgomery, Timothy Busfield, Michelle Meyrink, David Wohl

Revenge of the Nerds is the 80's tribute to Animal House but instead of the slobs taking on the snobs, it's the nerds taking on the jocks who make their lives miserable.  Why do the football players, all members of the bullying Alpha Beta fraternity, hate nerds so much?  The movie never explains and doesn't attempt to, and why would it?   The mostly freshmen nerds, led by best friends Lewis (Carradine) and Gilbert (Edwards) are harmless, but intelligent guys trying to make their way at Adams College.  However, they are harassed at every turn by the Alpha Betas led by faceman quarterback Stan Gable (McGinley).  The partying Alpha Betas accidentally burn down their frat house, so they throw the freshmen out of their dorms and force them to live in the gym.  The college president is the ineffectual Dean Ulich (Wohl), who himself is a nerdy guy bullied by the aggressive football coach (Goodman) and whom cowers to the coach's demands.  

It isn't humiliating enough for the nerds to be relocated to the gym (while basketball practice is in full swing), but when they find a house to live in which they repair themselves, the Alpha Betas vandalize the house and terrorize the poor guys.  When they try to take up matters with the Greek Council (run by the Alpha Betas), they get nowhere so form their own fraternity and work to defeat the Alpha Betas at the homecoming games so they can gain control of the council.   We have the likable underdogs taking on the insufferable bullies, while Lewis sets his sights on Betty (Montgomery), Stan's girlfriend with whom Lewis has fallen in love.   She won't have anything to do with him until a chance hookup between Betty and a disguised Lewis (whom Betty thinks is Stan).  I'm not a legal expert, but I've heard this might qualify as rape, but the movie wisely overlooks this possibility.  

Revenge of the Nerds combines inspired humor (some gross-out of course which goes with the territory) and some lovable characters such as Booger (Armstrong), who is short on hygiene but long on wisecracks, bespectacled, awkward Arnold Poindexter (Busfield), and a pre-teen computer whiz named Wormser (Cassesse).  There is also a gay nerd (Scott) and a Japanese nerd (Tochi) to round out the diverse outcasts.   What's more important is that we root for them to overthrow the Alpha Betas and once a rooting interest is established, we more or less forgive the movie its trespasses.  Oh, and it's a funny movie.  

Meg 2: The Trench (2023) * 1/2

 

Directed by:  Ben Wheatley

Starring:  Jason Statham, Wu Zing, Li Bingbing, Sienna Guillory, Cliff Curtis, Shuya Sophia Cai, Skyler Samuels

Meg 2: The Trench is the completely unnecessary sequel to The Meg (2018), a movie to which I gave a positive review even though I don't recall much about it five years later.  What I do remember is Jason Statham was its star and a giant megalodon emerged from its deep water cocoon to terrorize a resort.  I enjoyed the original film on its intended level.   Meg 2: The Trench does not work on any level because the first half has almost no Megs and the second half has no trench, but instead returns to another resort so the creatures can wreak havoc there with all of the major characters who are all conveniently assembled on the island.

Meg 2 begins with Jason Statham returning as Jonas Taylor, who works for a Chinese oceanic institute run by his brother-in-law Jiuming (Zing) which houses the last remaining megs on the planet in captivity.  Jiuming believes he can train the megs so they can, I don't know, work shows at Sea World in the future? One evening Jonas and his crew descend on the deepest underwater trench known to humans and find a giant marine station built by a competitor for illegal drilling and other shenanigans.  How did they build it?  Forget the pyramids, this would be the most mind-blowing construction project ever conceived.  Watching Jonas and company travel deeper and deeper underwater, I also couldn't help but think of the recent heartbreaking news story of the submersible Titan which imploded back in June en route to the Titanic.  

The megs find a way to ram through thick steel walls to free themselves from captivity, but they don't play much of a factor until the underwater sea station business is concluded, which includes Jonas swimming without a suit through the water without paying any mind to the pressure which would simply crush him to smithereens.  Someone says, "It's not the pressure, but the lack of oxygen which would kill you,"   The mind boggles.  

Those happy to see the megs will enjoy the second half, which plays like a carbon copy of the conclusion of the first film.   Statham almost single-handedly saves the day as he wont to do and this might be easier this time around because the megs aren't gigantic creatures, but slightly larger than your average great white shark.  How Jonas subdues one of the megs is copied right from Jaws 2, but the megs also off some of the villains which is helpful to Jonas.   Meg 2 is not intended to be realistic, since after all we're dealing with prehistoric sea monsters, but like Jurassic Park, there isn't any fascination with the idea that this species still roams the planet.   Instead, the megs are video-game targets and the humans are reduced to either having to kill them or avoid being eaten by them.   

Pee Wee's Big Adventure (1985) * * *

 

Directed by:  Tim Burton

Starring:  Paul Reubens, Mark Holton, Elizabeth Daily, Diane Salinger, Jan Hooks, Jason Hervey, Alice Nunn

Pee Wee's Big Adventure was the unleashing of the Pee Wee Herman character on to the world.  It is inspired comedy with haunting visuals courtesy of Tim Burton, a funny and effective combination.  We all wish we had Pee Wee's problems.  He wakes up each morning via a Rube Goldberg-style alarm which also cooks his breakfast.  He doesn't appear to have a job, and he seems to have all the money and friends he needs.   One is Dottie (Daily), who clearly wants to be more than a friend and does everything but send Pee Wee a written invitation stating so.  But Pee Wee's only love of the world is his bicycle, which he wraps up in a cocoon of chains when he parks it one day.   When he returns, he finds it is stolen and starts an epic journey to retrieve it. 

The bicycle, except for a few bells and whistles, is not much different than any other bike, but it's Pee Wee's bike.  He first blames his frenemy Francis Buxton (Holton), a spoiled rich brat who, like Pee Wee, is a child in an adult's body.  Francis is an obvious suspect since he tried to buy the bike for an exorbitant sum, though not for Francis, but soon Pee Wee ventures on his own to the Alamo to find his bike.  Why The Alamo?   This was information courtesy of a phony psychic who marvels Pee Wee when she says, "You're here because you want something,"  

Pee Wee Herman's narrow view of the world is limited to his bike, but he manages to be childlike without being childish.   When he's visiting The Alamo and impatiently waits for the tour guide to bring the group to the "basement", we see him behave like a child would, complete with a tapping foot and hostile eye rolls.  He maintains a certain degree of worldliness to a point, but not enough to prevent him from trekking to San Antonio to visit its non-existent basement.  A psychic told him there was one, so it must be true.  Along the way, Pee Wee encounters ghost truckers, an annoying train hobo who endlessly sings, a sweet waitress who wants to visit Paris, Pee Wee running afoul of bikers in a biker bar (where he performs his famed Tequila dance), and even Pee Wee's story being made into a movie.  

Pee Wee's Big Adventure scores with its sly humor and its sense of spooky fun, all of which meshes into a satisfying comedy.  Pee Wee's Playhouse came next, followed by a second Pee Wee Herman movie (Big Top Pee Wee), which I saw when it was released and didn't care for it, but may require a second viewing.   Then, Reubens' career was derailed by an indecency charge in 1991 when he was arrested for masturbating in a porn theater.   It's a pity and now Reubens has passed away, but we won't soon forget Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which remains a comical big-screen debut for the nerdy guy with the gray suit and red bowtie.