The Vow (2012) * *

Directed by:  Michael Sucsy
 
Starring:  Channing Tatum, Rachel McAdams, Sam Neill, Jessica Lange, Scott Speedman


The Vow is about a perfectly happy couple in love and married for four years.    One snowy night, they stop at a stop sign for a kiss and are rearended by a snow plow.   Paige (McAdams) goes flying through the windshield and wakes up in the hospital with no memory of her husband Leo (Tatum).   In fact, her memory stopped up to the point in which she was engaged to a WASP named Jeremy and she was a suburban WASP herself.   This naturally hurts Leo and puts the couple on a awkward road in which she goes home with a guy she can't remember.  

This sounds like a setup for a moving drama in which Paige learns to fall in love with Leo all over again, but The Vow doesn't seem to ever get started.   I couldn't muster enough energy to care.   Maybe because somehow Paige seemed curiously more of an unsympathetic character after the accident.    The subplot involving Paige's estranged parents turned the movie into a soap opera and things are not resolved via any emotional breakthrough or truth, but on a plot turn.  

I think The Vow didn't work because maybe there is only so much of an emotional arc the story can take.   If Paige suddenly bumps her head again and remembers things, then it would be ludicrous.    The Vow as constructed just kinds of mozies along and things all kind of fall into place neatly with little fuss.   The movie is "inspired by true events", meaning based on a true story.   How much of The Vow is based on the truth is not known.    But even though the movie has fine performances, it needs a lot of work on the "inspired" part.

Cool Hand Luke (1967) * * *

Directed by: Stuart Rosenberg

Starring: Paul Newman, George Kennedy, Strother Martin

Paul Newman plays Lucas Jackson, a prisoner on a chain gang who brings beatings upon himself after numerous escape attempts and running afoul of the prison's warden. Cool Hand Luke is violent and downbeat and its hero is more masochistic than the guards are sadistic. They give him beatings indeed, but in the beginning of the film, they seem to be rather accomodating to him and the other prisoners given the circumstances. Even the warden, played by Strother Martin, doesn't appear to be altogether unforgiving or sadistic until being pushed one too many times by Luke. He is the one who utters the famous line, "What we have here is failure to communicate." He is trying to get Luke's "head right" but it doesn't ever seem to work out that way. Mostly because Luke seems to have a death wish or a wish to get beaten savagely.

Not much is mentioned about why Luke thinks the way he does. He was imprisoned for knocking the tops off of mailboxes, as if he couldn't think of any other way to get himself into trouble, but get in trouble he does. What makes Cool Hand Luke unique is that there is no great injustice foisted upon its hero that he didn't practically beg for. He attempts to escape three times, but without any real plan of what to do next and halfway expecting to be brought back to prison. In the climactic scene in an old church, Luke talks to God and explains that he wasn't given much by God, but my guess is that even if he were given gifts, he would squander them.

Cool Hand Luke is not a film that really ever hits an emotional high note. It is steady in its pacing and doesn't make Luke out to be a misunderstood hero or a martyr to the unjust legal system. I understood him plenty and although I didn't side with the guards in their treatment of him, I can at least understand their motives. How much can one be pushed before pushing back? And I'm not talking about Luke either. He is the one doing the pushing, which is most unusual.

The film mostly works because Newman is able to play the antihero well, while George Kennedy (who won an Oscar for his performance here), first comes off as a yard bully but after beating the snot out of Luke in a fight (if that's what you want to call Kennedy knocking Luke down and Luke repeatedly getting up only to be knocked down again), he admires the toughness and resiliency of the man he terms, "Cool Hand Luke". The trouble is, these traits are hardly used for anything constructive by Luke.

The A-Team (2010) * 1/2

Directed by: Joe Carnahan

Starring: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Quinton Rampage Jackson, Jessica Biel

The 1980's NBC series "The A-Team" capitalized on Mr. T's wild popularity at the time and its cartoonish action to become a huge hit.   It was only a matter of time before the creatively bankrupt folks in Hollywood targeted it for a movie makeover.  I can't imagine that there will be a TV series that won't get the Hollywood treatment.    Silver Spoons fans don't worry, your day will come.

The movie is loud, cartoonish, and full of CGI.   There is in fact so much going on and being hurled at you that your mind eventually shuts off from overload.  The A-Team is a relentless barrage on your senses that wears itself out well before the conclusion.    CGI makes almost anything appear plausible, but you know it simply isn't.    Such as the scene in which the plane the A guys are flying blows up and they escape in a tank which the crew can seemingly steer in mid-air.   Or such as the mass explosions during the final showdown in which large things are being blown up and shrapnel flies everywhere, yet never seems to hit anybody.

And how do explosions know to stop their flames just short of the heroes so they don't get injured? Let's also not forget the falls from great heights that the good guys can shrug off with hardly a scratch while the bad guys of course die from those same falls.

I could go on and on and I understand that many movies are made to be cartoonish exercises and action-packed, but mind-numbingly so like The A-Team?  There are good actors here who do what they can with very limited characterizations, although Jackson's Mr. T impersonations fall short.  Say what you will about Mr. T, but his style is inimitable.  Neeson doesn't even bother to hide his Irish brogue, but he is convincing anyway.  Cooper is a cool Faceman while Sharlto Copley manages to switch between his native South African accent and a Southern one.  Sure his Murdock is crazy, but can't he at least keep one accent?

The plot is similar to the TV show's, in which these former Army rangers are framed, jailed, and break out of jail to prove their innocence.  Whether innocent or not, they should know that causing untold property damage and mayhem while trying to prove innocence will still put them back in the joint for a little while longer.  And wouldn't you know it, Neeson's Hannibal Smith chomps on cigars and declares, "I love it when a plan comes together."  If you were expecting anything less, you would be watching the wrong movie.

Red State (2011) * 1/2

Directed by : Kevin Smith

Starring: John Goodman, Melissa Leo, Michael Parks

This is Kevin Smith's first non-comedy film. There are many who didn't laugh during Cop Out that may dispute this. Here, he tries his hand at a politically charged thriller ripped from the headlines....if those headlines were written back in 1993, when ATF agents raided the compound of cult leader David Koresh. The plot here echoes that, but Smith is unable to make a compelling film out of it.

Red State is a film with plenty of dialogue, which isn't unusual for a Smith film. On at least three occasions, however, there are monologues which drag on and on and grind the film to a halt. But at least none of those involved Superman or Star Wars, or is that really a blessing in this case?

The plot starts with three horny teenagers answering an online ad for a gangbang from a supposed prostitute (Melissa Leo), who instead drugs the lads and imprisons them in the cult compound of Abin Cooper (Michael Parks), a gray-haired religious yahoo who isn't above murdering those who are sinners in his eyes. Who are sinners? Pretty much anyone who isn't exactly like he or his brainwashed followers. In a hyper-religious time we appear to live in now, the comparisons to Fred Phelps are purely intentional.

No doubt this is a scary setup which sets the film on a level of a nightmare, but then Cooper expounds on his views in a nearly 10-minute long sermon which had me screaming for the nearest film editor. Clearly Smith didn't realize that less was more in displaying Cooper as a maniac using the Bible to disguise his sociopathic ways. Not one word of this sermon is memorable and rambles on like many less violent televangelical ravings you may see on TV every day.

It is soon (I won't reveal how here for the sake of space) that the compound is surrounded by ATF agents led by John Goodman and a bloody, seemingly endless shootout occurs. Cult members and non-cult members alike have their heads blown off and spurt lots and lots of blood. The odd thing here is that both the cult and the agents are seen as amoral, unsympathetic creeps and thus any rooting interest is taken away. Smith seems to direct his rage at everyone involved, which may be credible and even realistic, but dramatically shapeless.

When there is a shootout and many, many lives at stake, is it too much to ask that we care that anyone lives?

The ending of the film is odd as well. I won't give it away, except to say that it allows another several minutes of pontification by one of the characters when we've had our fill of pontification. I couldn't help but compare this ending to that of No Country For Old Men. This may be the only time I will ever compare Red State to No Country For Old Men in any capacity.

The Hangover Part II (2011) * 1/2

Directed by: Todd Phillips

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifiankis, Ken Jeong, Justin Bartha


Other than the fact that 2009's The Hangover was a surprise smash, I can think of no other reason to have this sequel. The Hangover was a raunchy comedy that had a pretty decent amount of laughs and a plot which I actually found myself caring about.  It was a self-contained piece that really didn't require a sequel because there was no more real story to be told.  The sequel is just a retread of the original, with the action moved to Thailand instead of Vegas and contains zero laughs.  There are some interchangeable parts, but the ideas are the same, only much less effective this time around.

I was surprised by the lack of energy Part II exuded. I'd have to think it's because the actors and crew sensed deja vu and figured that if the script went by rote, then why not us?  Perhaps because the Thailand of this movie is significantly less scenic than Vegas. Or perhaps because the plot is one that just can't really be cared about.    The first Hangover worked because it was interesting to watch the befuddled guys try and piece together what happened to them with very few clues to go on.   It was fun to watch the misunderstandings and calamities unfold.   In Part II, the same unfolding of surprises just meant that I would have to sit in the seat a little while longer while the crew looks for an ultimately minor character.     I had a lot less caring in me this time around.  

I got pretty much what I expected out of Hangover Part II, except laughs. The film contains zero laughs, even in the gross-out scenes and even in the scenes in which Zach Galifianakis tries to behave even weirder than in the first Hangover.   Call me humorless and call me whatever you like, but don't call me if there's a Hangover III.

Little Fockers (2010) * *

Directed by: Paul Weitz

Starring: Ben Stiller, Robert DeNiro, Owen Wilson, Dustin Hoffman, Barbra Streisand

Little Fockers is the rubber match in a trilogy that produced a not-so-good comedy and a slightly better one so far.  Despite virtually everyone I know disagreeing with me, I found Meet The Parents to be a one-joke comedy with the one joke told over and over in different ways. Meet The Fockers was more successful because the Fockers were crazy but lovable and gave Robert DeNiro someone else to play off of.   It was better, not necessarily great.  

Now, we have Little Fockers, which really isn't about the grandchildren at all, but just one more attempt to stuff ninety minutes of gross-out humor, erections gone awry, and of course myriad misunderstandings into an ungainly package.  It has one or two chuckles, but slinks away almost undetected and unremembered by the brain.    Most of the cast appears to be phoning it in, and some do it literally.    I think enough comic juice has been squeezed from the franchise.  

I sincerely doubt we'll see a fourth installment, even though the film does try to hint at one. Making a fourth Fockers film would be like the party guest who just won't leave even though the host is shutting off the lights to go to bed.   

Bridesmaids (2011) * *

Directed by: Paul Feig

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Rose Byrne, Maya Rudolph, Chris O'Dowd, Jill Clayburgh, Melissa McCarthy, Ellie Kemper

Bridesmaids is a really thin comedy that takes way too long to tell. It runs an absurdly long 2 hours and 5 minutes (perhaps that includes the credits which contain outtakes, but I highly doubt there were many of those). Some scenes run so long that I become aware of how long they're running, and that is deadly for comedy in which pacing is every bit as important as the laughs. Bridesmaids is being billed as "The Hangover for women", only this movie contains no hangovers and never completes the trip to Vegas, but more on that later.

Saturday Night Live's Kristen Wiig stars as Annie, whose life is not going well as the film opens. She is mired in debt due to running a bakery that failed, she works at a jewelry store trying desperately to sell hope and love to customers while she has none, and she lives with a strange brother and sister who would rather she be gone. Oh, and her only "relationship" is as a fuckdoll for a rich slickster (Jon Hamm) who has rules against her sleeping over.

There is some good news in that her best friend since childhood, Lillian (Rudolph) gets engaged and chooses her as the maid of honor. However, it becomes apparent that Annie is simply out of her depth trying to coordinate the events for the wedding party. The wedding party consists of a rich friend of Lillian's who seems better suited to handle things, an oversexed mom of 3, a Mormonish wife, and a rotund, rugged ball of energy named Megan who is meant to the female counterpart to Zach Galifinakis from The Hangover.

The problem here isn't the performances. Wiig is lovable and vulnerable, Rose Byrne is the rich, connected new friend of Lillian who may or may not be trying to usurp Annie as "the best friend", and I even liked Jon Hamm's unapologetic SOB who refers to Annie as "Hey, fuck buddy." The problem stems from the fact that many of the key scenes go on and on. Here is a list of them:

1. The opening scene in which Wiig is getting banged in as many positions as the Kama Sutra allows.

2. The engagement party toast in which Wiig and Byrne one-up each other in an attempt to impress the bride-to-be.

3. The flight to Vegas in which Wiig gets stoned on Valium and pills and flops about the first-class cabin.

4. The scene in which the girls go to pick out their dresses and simultaneous cases of food poisoning emerge. Alas, there is only one bathroom and one toilet and you can guess where that goes from there.

5. The scene in which Wiig tries to get the attention of her state patrolman sort-of boyfriend by driving by and flaunting her lawbreaking.

There were probably more, but these scenes add up to overkill and at least an additional 20 minutes of running time. There are some funny parts here and Wiig is likable enough to carry a movie, but she also co-wrote it and needs to learn that less is more sometimes. The film wears out its welcome a good 85 minutes in and there is still a wedding to go.