Booksmart (2019) * 1/2

Directed by:  Olivia Wilde

Starring:  Beanie Feldstein, Kaitlyn Dever, Mason Gooding, Jason Sudeikis, Victoria Ruesga, Lisa Kudrow, Will Forte, Billie Lourd

Even while dazed from the verbal assault on my senses which is Booksmart, I was at least heartened that no bodily fluids were yet introduced.    Moments later, we get a scene of one girl throwing up on another while making out.    Great.    My one solace has now been removed, and Booksmart continued on.    I soldiered on, even while fidgeting in my seat.

Booksmart is practically a remake of Superbad (2007) with the two protagonist best friends now women instead of men.    Superbad wasn't anything great, and now Booksmart only wishes it could attain that level of quality.    At least Superbad introduced a character who has a fake ID made and calls himself McLovin.    That was funny for a couple of minutes.    Booksmart doesn't even have that moment to call its own.

Booksmart's dialogue and frenetic camera work hurls itself at you at a dizzying pace.    The people don't shut up with their relentless exchanges.   The movie jumps back and forth hastily between nothing and nothing with hip hop songs blaring on the soundtrack.    It's as if the movie's sole purpose was to drive the audience mad, which is the only thing it succeeds at doing. 

There isn't a lot of originality, which would be fine if the people had anything of interest to say or something was going on which would compel us not to squirm.    We get Molly (Feldstein in the Jonah Hill role) and Amy (Dever in the Michael Cera role).   Molly is outspoken and straight, Amy is quieter and gay.    Both forwent parties for studies all during high school.   They are best friends soon to be separated after graduation from their California high school.   More on that later.

Amy wants to hook up with a female skateboarder named Ryan (Ruesga), while Molly pines for Nick (Gooding), who only knows she exists enough to make fun of her.    Right after graduation, Amy is headed to Botswana for a charity mission before attending college at Columbia.    Molly is Yale bound, which she humble brags about to anyone who will listen.    But, Molly's bubble is soon burst when she discovers the kids who partied down are also going to Ivy League or top colleges.    She sways Amy into attending Nick's bash to make up for the partying they didn't do the previous four years.   

Amy reluctantly goes along, and we know the bulk of the action will take place at parties in which a house is destroyed and the attendees get wasted with loud music blaring from unseen speakers.    Many moons ago, teenage parties presented comic opportunities in John Hughes movies.    But three decades later, parties are played out.    Booksmart gives as not one, but three parties, one aboard a yacht and one in which the attendees do improv and act out a murder mystery.    Then, there is the main event.    The three parties combine for zero laughs.   Then, a conflict is manufactured out of nowhere between Amy and Molly which feels forced, just so Molly and Amy can make up and start the water works.   

I endured 100 minutes of Booksmart's verbal diarrhea and overly stylized production, but I still didn't lose my power of observation.    Assuming the high school in Booksmart graduates its seniors in May or June like most do, then why are the characters wearing sweaters, wool hats, winter coats, and sometimes multiple layers in the late California spring?    I researched the movie's filming locations and filming started in May 2018 in the San Fernando Valley.    I must say, dear reader, that I am baffled.   Maybe they went through a record cold spell at the time.