Ready or Not (2019) * * *

Directed by:  Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett

Starring:  Samara Weaving, Adam Brody, Henry Czerny, Andie McDowell, Mark O'Brien, Nicky Guadagni, Melanie Scrofano, Kristian Bruun, Elyse Levesque

Grace (Weaving) grew up in foster homes without a family, and now she is about to marry into one of the richest families on the planet.     On her wedding day, she tells her fiancé Alex (O'Brien) how happy she is to be finally be part of a family.    What happens on her wedding night will force her to reassess that sentiment.  

The Le Domas family, led by patriarch Tony (Czerny) and matriarch Becky (McDowell) convenes the family at midnight, hours after Grace and Alex tied the knot, and let Grace in on a family tradition:   Grace, the newest member of the family, must play a game with the rest of the Le Domas family.   By chance, Grace chooses hide and seek, and she thinks she will simply be playing the game in the usual manner.    She'd rather be going on her honeymoon, but because she loves Alex she plays along.    Little does Grace know the Le Domas clan arms itself and will hunt her throughout their eerie, gothic mansion.    Grace at first hides in the dumbwaiter, but learns soon enough the goal of the game isn't merely to find her, but to kill her.

It is later revealed why the Le Domas absolutely must ensure Grace does not survive the night, because bad things will happen to them at the break of dawn thanks to an old family curse.    It doesn't matter.    The plot is in motion, and Grace is basically on her own.    Her weasel husband ensures her he will help her escape, but he is weak and ineffectual, and abetted the whole situation to begin with.    Grace's only savior may come in the form of Alex's drunken, conflicted brother Daniel (Brody), who may be in love with her.    It wouldn't be a bad idea for Grace to arm herself against these psychopaths in case Alex or Daniel don't pull through.

Ready or Not is suspenseful and grisly with darkly comic undertones.    The plot is inherently silly, so the near-satirical tone fits right while not undermining the gravity of Grace's dilemma.   The family members are so eager to kill that at times they wind up wounding or killing one of their own by mistake.     Grace relies on her determination, toughness, and smarts to stay alive.    Thankfully, Grace doesn't make routine horror movie heroine mistakes which keep her from escaping danger.    She remains only a few steps ahead of her hunters, but only a few steps, and this makes the movie plausible. 

Samara Weaving makes Grace a sympathetic hero.    She isn't a slow study, and reacts plausibly at key moments.    The plot of an entire family of monsters tracking an innocent woman reminded me of The Most Dangerous Game, a book typically assigned in high school English class.    We root for Grace, and Ready or Not transcends its potentially ridiculous plot and, while it is gruesome at times (and the ending seems to stop and start a bit), it is engaging all the way through because it taps into universal fears.    In the end, Grace is probably figuring foster homes may not have been all that bad. 

Fast and Furious Presents: Hobbs and Shaw (2019) * *

Directed by:  David Leitch

Starring:  Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, Vanessa Kirby, Cliff Curtis, Idris Elba, Ryan Reynolds, Helen Mirren

You know what to expect when watching any movie with "Fast and Furious" in the title, and on that level, Hobbs and Shaw delivers.   That doesn't mean the filmmakers shouldn't at least try to elevate the material.     We have likable actors who bring energy to roles they could play in their sleep and a more than capable action director, but Hobbs and Shaw doesn't arouse much more than a feeling of been there, done that, while coming in at a bloated 2 hours, 17 minutes. 

Luke Hobbs (Johnson) and Deckard Shaw (Statham) are forced to work together to find Deckard's sister Hattie (Kirby), an MI6 agent who injected herself with a virus which could wipe out the Earth's population in order to keep it out of the hands of Brixton (Elba), a former agent who Shaw once shot and seemingly killed once Brixton went rogue, but Brixton was brought back to life as a superhuman villain by Eteon, a sinister tech group who wants the virus for themselves.   

Hobbs and Shaw don't like each other much because they've crossed paths in previous Fast and Furious films.    I only saw the last one (The Fate of the Furious), but thankfully I was able to discern what was happening without needing to watch the other sequels.    Both Hobbs and Shaw kick ass and don't bother to take names, with Shaw annihilating a group of thugs with a champagne bottle.    Hobbs and Shaw meet up, argue, trade insults, and once Hattie joins them, they are in a race against time to remove the virus from her bloodstream within 72 hours.    The place to do that?   Samoa, where Hobbs grew up and hasn't visited in 25 years due to family feuds.    Hobbs will get to save the world and patch things up with the family in one fell swoop.    Imagine that.

I won't complain about Hobbs and Shaw being silly, because that comes with the territory, and at least the movie only contains a handful of action sequences which defy the laws of gravity and physics.    However, Hobbs and Shaw doesn't add anything fresh to the action buddy movie genre either.    Johnson and Statham are, of course, top action actors, and Elba is a sufficiently hateful villain, with the fetching Kirby playing referee between Hobbs and Shaw most of the time.    There is a hint of a budding romance between Hattie and Hobbs, despite having no romantic chemistry between them at all.

Hobbs and Shaw gives Fast and Furious fans what they came to the theater for.    They're used to this sort of thing.    As far as those who are mostly Fast and Furious neophytes (like me), Hobbs and Shaw makes you wonder what the fuss is about. 

Blinded by the Light (2019) * *

Directed by:  Gurinder Chadha

Starring:  Viveik Kalra, Nell Williams, Hayley Atwell, Kulvinder Ghir, Dean-Charles Chapman, Aaron Phagura, Rob Brydon

Blinded by the Light isn't a Bruce Springsteen biopic, but instead a story of how a Pakistani/British teenager discovers his music in 1987 England amidst the nation's (and the teen's) turbulence.   Until he is introduced to The Boss, Javed (Kalra-in a winning performance) is an awkward teen who yearns to be a writer.   He has a domineering father, few friends, and no girlfriend prospects in sight.    His best friend Matt (Chapman) has a girl, makes out with her incessantly, and promises to hook Javed up with one of his girlfriend's friends.   It doesn't happen, and another school friend Roops (Phagura) senses the pain in Javed's soul and suggests listening to Born in the USA and Darkness on the Edge of Town.   Javed listens one night in his bedroom, and Bruce's music and lyrics resonate so greatly they transform him.   The words write themselves on the wall and circle around his head as if they are living beings.    Javed feels Bruce gets him like no one, not even his family, ever did before.

Based on a true story, Blinded by the Light documents how Bruce Springsteen's music gave Javed the courage to declare himself as a writer, stand up to his father who tries to dissuade him from writing and pursuing girls, and make plans which didn't involve staying in his small London suburban apartment complex.    1987 England was one of upheaval and uncertainty.    The nation's unemployment rate was through the roof, and white supremacist groups were rearing their ugly heads in local marches and terrorizing the town's Pakistani population.    Margaret Thatcher was running for re-election and her popularity was waning considerably.    Small wonder.   The tenuous economic situation hits home for Javed as his mother works nonstop from home as a seamstress and his father is laid off from the local auto plant, further fueling his anger towards the world.

Blinded by the Light sets the stage for a coming-of-age comedy in which a lonely teenager who feels out of place in his adopted country is stirred into action by taking Bruce Springsteen's music to heart. The stage is set, but the movie makes a fatal error by turning into Springsteen adulation run amok.  We don't witness Javed listening to one or two Springsteen songs and engaging in rapturous delight.   No, we are subjected to the same dramatic treatment over and over, and twice a Springsteen song is turned into an excuse for a musical number, as Javed and his friends run joyously around the countryside singing Born to Run.   It stalls the movie in its tracks.  WE GET IT.   Javed loves Bruce Springsteen's music, now let's please try and move forward with the story...cliched as it might be.

Perhaps this is based on a true story, but we've seen plenty of movies about a father and teen child disconnect which threatens to tear their relationship apart.    A subtler, more charming movie which deals with such an issue honestly and intelligently is one which popped into my mind more than once while watching Blinded by the Light:  Breaking Away (1979).    The father in that terrific movie wasn't a jerk like Javed's father Malik (Ghir), but was at a loss to understand why his son loves bicycling so much he adopted an Italian accent when the Italian racing team came to town.    There is a pivotal scene in which father and son finally learn to understand the other, and it is immensely powerful.    No such scene exists in this film.    The father is a jerk until he isn't anymore, and after a cold war between father and son is suddenly over without any explanation.    Whatever conversion Malik had seemed to occur off screen.

Blinded by the Light begins as a charming movie, but bogs itself down with the Boss love. Springsteen does not appear in the film except in archive footage and a television documentary, but his spirit is present in his music, which will endure long after he is gone.    Blinded by the Light trudges to its inescapable, inexorable conclusion and we learn Javed went on to see Springsteen 150 times in concert.  Photos taken of Javed and Springsteen populate the screen in the epilogue, and it appears the happy ending of Blinded by the Light is that Javed essentially turned into a Deadhead.
And he seemed to fit in a journalism career and write a book in between going to Springsteen shows.

Where'd You Go, Bernadette (2019) * *

Directed by:  Richard Linklater

Starring:  Cate Blanchett, Billy Crudup, Emma Nelson, Kristen Wiig, Laurence Fishburne, Judy Greer, Steve Zahn, Megan Mullally

When Bernadette Fox finally breaks free of the life that has been smothering her for the past twenty years, I suppose I'm happy for her.    Was I moved?    Eh.   At long last, Where'd You Go, Bernadette inspires merely muted pleasure but little else.    Because Bernadette Fox is played by Cate Blanchett, I hung in there with her much longer than I should have, hoping something more would come from all of this.   

Bernadette, her Microsoft executive husband Elgie (Crudup) and daughter Bee (Nelson) live in suburban Seattle in a dilapidated mansion which might've once been home to the Addams Family.    The house is one step away from condemnation.   The blueberry patch outside has grown so voluminous that it encroaches into the neighbor's yard and obscures the view of the house.    Vines and foliage grow out of control.   The inside is a maze of leaks galore, unpainted walls, mold, mildew, clutter, and general mess.    The only thing Bernadette cares about in the entire world is her daughter Bee (Nelson), who adores her mother equally, while obviously ignoring Bernadette's depression and the fact that the family lives in a rat hole.  

Bernadette was once a rising superstar architect in Los Angeles, until a show business mogul bought the property housing her latest project and razed it, causing Bernadette to quit architecture and flee to Seattle with Elgie roughly twenty years back.    At least Elgie is not immune to the alarming signs of Bernadette's mental issues.   He consults a top psychologist (Greer), and stages an intervention, causing Bernadette to flee her surroundings and light out for Antarctica.   Why Antarctica?   Well, Bee arranged for a family vacation there over Christmas break, because I guess hanging around ice sheets with seals and penguins is the cure to what ails them all.  

We see Bernadette as a desperately unhappy, antisocial (referring to her neighbors and the parents of Bee's classmates as "gnats"), pill popping, agoraphobic disaster who has a closer relationship to her virtual assistant to whom she dictates personal errands and confessions about her sorry life.    We know as night follows day that the virtual assistant isn't what it seems, but I can't say I was expecting this twist.

Once Bernadette flees to Antarctica and regains her zest for life, Where'd You Go, Bernadette goes from quirky and mildly interesting to drudgery.    Elgie and Bee pursue her, and Bernadette finds a project in the new Antarctic base station which returns the light to her eyes and a smile to her face.   She was meant to be creative, by God, and she will be again.    Bee wants desperately to catch up with her mother, while Elgie isn't necessarily thrilled to have his wife back in the fold.    He behaves like a guy who sees his marriage to Bernadette as an obligation to be endured.    He's a workaholic, and who could blame him?

Where'd You Go, Bernadette wants us to be uplifted about Bernadette's revival, but I couldn't get there.   The Seattle scenes are ones of rain-soaked misery, and Antarctica is actually a step up, although those icebergs sure do look phony.    Where'd You Go, Bernadette, like its title character, is so gloomy for so long that we can't buy the sudden redemption and joy.   It feels false, although I think I'd rather live on an ice shelf than that house. 
 

Night Shift (1982) * * *

Directed by:  Ron Howard

Starring:  Henry Winkler, Michael Keaton, Shelley Long, Richard Belzer, Gina Hecht, Bobby DiCicco

I strongly doubt a New York City morgue would have so little to do as the one in Night Shift, but we'll go with it.    Sad sack Chuck Lumley (Winkler), a former investment counselor who took the night shift job at the morgue for "peace and quiet", sees that peace and quiet evaporate in the form of his new co-worker Bill Blazejowski (Keaton), a friendly guy who never stops talking.   We see the genesis of many Michael Keaton roles here.   Bill carries a tape recorder around so he can memorialize his ideas ("edible paper"). 

The only idea of Bill's which gains traction is turning the morgue into a brothel.   Chuck reluctantly agrees, mostly because he needs money to get married and he likes his neighbor Belinda (Long), a prostitute whose pimp was recently murdered and wound up as a guest in Chuck's morgue.    Chuck is a milquetoast guy who takes crap from everyone, including his fiancée Charlotte (Hecht), who uses her weight as a reason to avoid sex with Chuck.   

The prostitutes are happy, business is lucrative, and Chuck feels more and more guilty about being de facto pimps.   The local gangsters who killed the previous pimp come snooping around, not at all pleased about being cut out of the action, while Chuck slowly falls for Belinda while conveniently forgetting about her profession.    Keaton and Winkler are a study in opposites and have great comic chemistry.    Keaton is as energetic as Winkler is quiet and mopey.   The world is on Chuck's shoulders, while Bill takes little seriously.   But, Bill has a heart, and sees the doldrums Chuck is in and wants to shake him loose from it in the only manner he can.

Night Shift is Ron Howard's first studio feature film, and he has a knack for comedy displayed in other films like Splash, Gung Ho, and Parenthood.    He expanded his reach in top dramas like A Beautiful Mind and Frost/Nixon.    In Night Shift, he mines the humor from a story about a morgue and prostitution, which is no easy feat.   In the end, Bill and Chuck forge a touching, unexpected friendship and Chuck learns to stand up for himself.    It's effectively done.

Dragnet (1987) * * *

Directed by:  Tom Mankiewicz

Starring:  Dan Aykroyd, Tom Hanks, Christopher Plummer, Harry Morgan, Dabney Coleman, Elizabeth Ashley, Alexandra Paul, Jack O' Halloran

Dan Aykroyd was born to play Joe Friday.   We've seen him play motormouths before, and that rapid-fire delivery serves him well as the repressed, by-the-book Los Angeles detective.   He can recite penal codes chapter and verse.    Heck, he probably wrote the book, as it appears he even follows the department's grooming and dress code to the tee.    The assignment of a freewheeling partner to ruffle Joe's feathers is almost inevitable.    That partner is Detective Pep Streebek (Hanks), who takes the rule book a whole lot less seriously than Joe.    Then again, who doesn't? 

The two mismatched partners are assigned to investigate a series of robberies, in which police cars, chemicals, a lion's mane, a fruit tree bat, and even a white wedding dress are stolen.    At each robbery site, a P.A.G.A.N. card is left, and soon Joe and Pep are attending a P.A.G.A.N. (People Against Goodness and Normalcy) festival where a young female virgin (Paul) is to be sacrificed.  
The ritual is run by Jonathan Whirley (Plummer), a local religious leader who conspires with the police commissioner (Ashley) and a Hugh Hefner-like skin magazine publisher (Coleman) to take over Los Angeles and continue the P.A.G.A.N. crime wave.

Joe touchingly falls for the pure Connie Swail, referred to often as The Virgin Connie Swail, while Pep wracks his brain trying to figure out what makes his new partner tick.    Joe is the nephew of the Joe Friday from the 1950's TV series of the same name, and Joe himself is a guy with 50's sensibilities who crashes head on into 1980's culture.    It results in a shock to both, but Joe finds himself changing his ways ever so slightly, even though his clipped, rapid speech pattern remains intact throughout.

This isn't entirely Aykroyd's playground.   Hanks is a funny foil, while Plummer, Morgan (who co-starred in the original series), Ashley, and Coleman all stand out in well-written supporting roles.    I also like the giant Emil Muzz (O'Halloran), who does the dirty work for the villains.   He speaks only a few more words than he did as Non in Superman and Superman II combined.    Dragnet is fun, with devious villains we can't wait to see toppled and the obligatory silly chases and gunfights.  

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) * *

Directed by:  Andre Ovredal

Starring:  Zoe Colletti, Michael Garza, Gabriel Rush, Dean Norris, Austin Zajur, Natalie Ganzhorn

The turbulent period in which Scary Stories... takes place is scarier than the ghost story.   Ghosts are annoying.    They can kill people, scare people, haunt their dreams, but heaven forbid they actually say what's on their mind.    A lot of misunderstandings could be cleared up and innocent people wouldn't have to perish.    The ghost in Scary Stories... is that of a woman who hung herself in a sanitarium seventy years earlier, but she is taking her wrath out on the poor teens who visited the ruins of her family's old house and took one of the books.    Why don't these towns raze these houses?   I asked the same question when I reviewed IT.   I suppose they don't because they want to give the ghosts who reside there a chance to haunt it.

Scary Stories... takes place around Halloween 1968 in tiny Mill Valley, PA.   The presidential election is days away, and the political climate focuses on the Vietnam War which is hitting closer to home as teens are drafted.    Old friends Stella (Colletti), Augie (Rush), and Chuck (Zajur) go out trick or treating, run afoul of local bullies, and hide out in the car of Ramon Rodriguez (Garza) while at a drive-in movie.    Ramon is seemingly passing through, and isn't much welcomed by the local sheriff, who flagrantly espouses his racist view of Mexican-Americans.    Ramon tags along with the others when they go to visit the haunted house where Sarah Bellows, the aforementioned girl who hung herself, lived with her wealthy and powerful family. 

A book is taken from the house, and this enrages the ghost of Sarah enough to start knocking off the kids one by one in increasingly gruesome ways.    There is business of Sarah writing how each person will meet his end in the book moments before it happens and once she starts writing the stories, the subject is pretty much a goner.    Do we care all that much about Sarah and what happened to her?  Not really.  

Scary Stories... succeeds in recreating a time and place.    The clouds and gloom portend the uncertain future of the upcoming Nixon administration.    We learn Ramon's story and in the end he is boarding the bus to join the Army and fight in Vietnam.    The poor guy went from the frying pan right into the fire.  

Brian Banks (2019) * * 1/2

Directed by:  Tom Shadyac

Starring:  Aldis Hodge, Greg Kinnear, Tiffany Dupont, Sherri Shepherd, Melanie Liburd, Xosha Roquemore

Brian Banks was destined for the NFL as a high school football standout.   One day during summer school, Brian and a girl engaged in some making out and light petting underneath the stairs when Brian decides not to go through with having sex.   He flees without a word, angering the girl, and soon after he is arrested for rape.    He is innocent, but takes an ill-advised plea deal from his incompetent lawyer and spends six years in prison, following by five on parole in which he has to wear an ankle bracelet and is under constant supervision.    Brian can't find anyone to hire him, and at age 27, his dreams of realistically playing football in the NFL are slipping away.

With ten months to go before he is done with parole, Brian learns of the California Innocence Project, headed by attorney Justin Brooks (Kinnear), who takes up the cases of the wrongly convicted.    Brian is surely innocent, but can't convince Justin to take his case because Justin doesn't feel they can win.     Because parole is a prison all its own, Brian understands that once his parole is over, his conviction will stand and forever be on his record.    He must get his conviction overturned to have any chance of a normal life.     Justin fully believes in Brian's innocence, but is somewhat jaded by a judicial system he is attempting to change.   

You know how Brian Banks will turn out.    A movie wouldn't have been made if Brian weren't able to successfully overturn his conviction.    The movie succeeds or falters on the journey.    There are some powerful moments in Brian Banks, along with corny ones and more than a few speeches.    Aldis Hodge (City on a Hill) is sympathetic and effective as Brian, who manages to keep hoping and believing even as his frustration with his situation mounts.    He has a fledgling relationship with a trainer named Karina (Liburd), one which may never get off the ground because of Brian's past (and Karina's as we learn later). 

We meet the loathsome Kennisha (Roquemore), who clearly lied and ruined Brian's life while procuring a $1.5 million settlement from a school district lawsuit following the b.s. accusation.   She waffles between telling the truth and protecting the settlement by continuing to persist with the lie, leading to a legal showdown which feels forced, preordained, and not nearly as uplifting as it should be.    It's puzzling why this is.   Brian Banks is a true story which should've been an emotional slam dunk, but instead we're left with a decent movie with good performances.    There should have been more.

The Art of Racing in the Rain (2019) * *

Directed by:  Simon Curtis

Starring:  Milo Ventimiglia, Amanda Seyfried, Kevin Costner (voice), Kathy Baker, Martin Donovan, Ryan Kiera Armstrong

Denny Swift (Ventimiglia) is such a nice guy.   He doesn't deserve to endure the bad things that happen to him in The Art of Racing in the Rain.    Boy, they do happen.    The only ignominy which eludes him is being stripped of his driver's license.    Parents may make the mistake of bringing their kids to this movie because it has a lovable dog in it, but this is gloomy, depressing fare.    Enzo (voice of Kevin Costner) narrates this story from his point of view, and he is the quintessential dog who thinks he's a human.   If you don't believe me, listen to the words and insights he uses.

It took some time to get used to the gravelly voiced Costner's narration.   The movie opens with the aged Enzo lying on the floor in a puddle of his own urine.   The end is near, but that's ok, because Enzo heard about the Mongolian belief that dogs could return to their next life as a human if they do everything properly in their present lives as dogs.   Enzo is wise, insightful, and he can feel and smell when something is wrong.    In the Swift household, a lot goes wrong.    We are waiting to witness what hurdle the Swifts will have to leap over next.

Enzo is named for Enzo Ferrari, and his new owner is Denny, an up and coming Seattle area race car driver.    Denny wins a lot because he is able to maneuver his race car in the rain better than anyone.   Enzo sometimes is taken to the racetrack, and he loves the atmosphere there.    Denny doesn't crash on the course, but his personal life is a wreck through no fault of his own.    He meets and falls in love with the equally sweet Eve (Seyfried), who is as leery of Enzo as Enzo is of her.    Eve and Denny marry and have a daughter, although Eve's parents (Donovan and Baker) aren't thrilled with Denny's choice of employment.    They show exactly how much disdain they have for his racing later.

I won't reveal much, but the saintly patient Denny has to deal with losing a loved one and a custody battle initiated shortly after the funeral.    To say the plaintiffs have insensitive timing is an understatement.   Enzo is there through it all, and a pall hangs over the events like the clouds and rain in Seattle.    Denny deserves better, his family deserves better, and Enzo deserves better.    Then, there is the cornball ending which I won't get into now.    At least any deaths in the film have the decency to happen offscreen.

The Kitchen (2019) * 1/2

Directed by:  Andrea Berloff

Starring:  Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Haddish, Elisabeth Moss, James Badge Dale, Brian D'Arcy James, Domnhall Gleeson, Common, Jeremy Bobb, Bill Camp, Myk Watford

I don't know where The Kitchen went wrong, but wrong it went.   It's not a comedy, but there are plenty of unintentional laughs.    The Kitchen wants to be a hard-boiled crime drama about three 1970's Hell's Kitchen mob wives who strike out on their own as criminals when their husbands are sent to prison.  I just couldn't buy it.   Melissa McCarthy, Tiffany Haddish, and Elisabeth Moss are not the first actors who spring to mind when thinking of who could play hardened crime bosses, and The Kitchen is proof.

Melissa McCarthy has done well branching into drama (last year's Can You Ever Forgive Me? is a great example), but she doesn't provide this role with enough gravitas to pull it off.    Her Kathy is a mother of two whose husband and two cohorts are busted trying to rob a convenience store and sentenced to three years in prison.   Kathy and the wives of the idiots who got themselves pinched, Claire (Moss) and Ruby (Haddish), are promised to be taken care of by the new boss Little Jackie (Watford), but their weekly cash payments are lower than expected, mostly because those who are expected to pay for protection aren't paying.    Little Jackie tells the trio to go pound sand, so the women decide to take over the collections rackets themselves and slowly but surely muscle in on Little Jackie's territory.    They do so by promising to actually provide protection for their "clients" and handle whatever problems they encounter.   I'm reminded of the scene in Easy Money when a mother learns her future son-in-law is part of a gang: "Oh, they're a good boys' gang, they help people."

The money flows in, the ladies have trouble keeping up with counting it all, and Little Jackie grows irritated enough to attempt to rape Claire, who already has suffered beaucoup abuse by her lout husband, but this doesn't end well for Little Jackie.   Claire is saved by the introduction of another character who is so in the right place at the right time that he could only be described as a deus ex machina writ large.    Ruby has her own problems, including a mother-in-law who hates her because she's black, while Kathy has two kids to raise (although they conveniently disappear while Kathy is doing her crime thing until they are actually needed again).

The Kitchen is never convincing.   We are expected to believe people can be shot in Claire's tiny apartment without any of her neighbors calling the police.   Or that Claire becomes a learned student of cutting up and disposing of bodies.  Or that the streets are so conspicuously empty that characters can shoot people on the street and then drag the body to the car so they can chuck it in the trunk without anyone noticing.    Or that someone who shoots another person in broad daylight (this time with people actually on the street) would dump the murder weapon right next to the dead body.   

Ruby, Kathy, and Claire are about as inconspicuous as a roach crawling across a white rug.   So much so that they attract the attention of a Brooklyn crime boss (Camp) who instead of simply killing them for encroaching on his business, decides to enter into a financial agreement which is extremely beneficial to the ladies.   Uh huh.   If there is one scene in which the women declare "we're now in charge" in varying degrees of menace, there are ten.   I've lamented in reviews of some of McCarthy's bad comedies that she should spread her wings instead of wasting her time on lame movies which appeal to the lowest common denominator.    With The Kitchen, I suppose I get what I deserve. 

Major League (1989) * * *

Directed by:  David S. Ward

Starring:  Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, Corbin Bernsen, James Gammon, Wesley Snipes, Margaret Whitton, Bob Uecker, Rene Russo, Dennis Haysbert, Chelcie Ross, Charles Cyphers

Thirty years after the release of Major League, the Cleveland Indians are no longer sad sacks.   They still haven't won a World Series since 1948, but they've been to three World Series (the last was in 2016 when they lost to the only team with a longer World Series victory drought than theirs...the Chicago Cubs) and are consistently atop the standings.    In the world of Major League, the Indians represent ultimate futility.   The club's new owner, former stripper Rachel Phelps (Whitton), inherited the team from her late husband and wants to move the Tribe to Miami.    How to accomplish this?   By putting together a team of misfits, has-beens, and never-wases who will mire in last place and sink attendance so low that the league will permit her to move the team. 

The "stars" of the team are Jake Taylor (Berenger), a washed up catcher with bum knees, Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn (Sheen), a pitcher fresh from prison with a 100 mph fastball and no control, Willie Mays Hayes (Snipes), a cocky rookie who "runs like Mays, but hits like Hayes,", Roger Dorn (Bernsen), a third baseman who doesn't believe in diving for the ball, and Pedro Cerrano (Haysbert), who has home run power but can't hit curveballs .    The Indians are managed by crusty Lou Brown (Gammon), who worked previously at Tire World and had to think hard before accepting the thankless task of babysitting these losers.   

Spring training is scary, the regular season is even scarier, with the Indians playing in front of sparse home crowds and looking pathetic in the process.    They are the grown-up version of the Bad News Bears, and their radio play-by-play man (played with good humor by Bob Uecker) has to creatively cover up how sad they are.  ("The Indians dropped a heartbreaker to the Yankees, 9-0")   Rachel is thrilled and can see Miami in her future, but then the Indians unexpectedly start to win some games and threaten to spoil her plans.    It wouldn't be much of a movie if the Indians stayed in last place the entire season.

The players are colorful, and each has his own backstory.   Jake is trying to win back his former girlfriend (Russo) who broke up with him because he cheated on her.  Rick is trying to throw strikes and is involved in a feud with Roger, while Pedro turns to voodoo to try and break the curse curveballs seem to have on him.    The results keep us amused until the Big Game, which has the authentic, energetic feel of a playoff game.    There are gripes, including how only the stars conveniently bat 1 through 4 in the lineup (an old catcher with bad knees hits second?) and the rest of the batters are never seen taking a swing.    The Indians only seem to have two pitchers, Vaughn and aging Eddie Harris (Ross), who specializes in spitballs, since they are the only ones ever seen throwing from the mound. 

The movie's stars are also the only ones featured in an American Express commercial, which must really annoy the roughly twenty other players who comprise the Cleveland Indians.    Those guys need better agents. 

Sherlock Holmes (2009) * * *

Directed by:  Guy Ritchie

Starring:  Robert Downey, Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Mark Strong, Kelly Reilly

Sherlock Holmes is such a refreshing take on the legendary character that I don't think he says, "Elementary, my Dear Watson," even once in the movie.   Maybe he did, and I might've missed it, but the utterance isn't needed.    In Guy Ritchie's version, Holmes is indeed the superior sleuth who can pick up on any miniscule clue and connect it to the case he's attempting to solve.    But, his partner Dr. John Watson (Law) isn't presented as a dodo whose job is to say all the wrong things and have Holmes correct him.    No, Watson is quite capable of handling himself in the brains and brawn department.    Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes is involved in more fistfights, explosions, and chases than any of the Sherlock Holmes movies I've seen combined.

This may be the first Sherlock Holmes in which the detective takes up bare knuckle prizefighting and walks us through his strategy to incapacitate his opponent.   As played by Robert Downey, Jr., Holmes is fit, lean, socially awkward, standoffish, and of course superhumanly observant.    Nothing gets past him.    Relocate him in 20th century America, and he would've located Jimmy Hoffa in about two days.   

Guy Ritchie's reimagining of the Arthur Conan Doyle character turns him into an action hero as well as the best detective in the world.    But, he has issues, like alcoholism, terrible housekeeping skills, and petulant sulking when Dr. Watson announces his engagement to Mary (Reilly), who is no pushover for either Holmes or Watson.    She turns the tables on Holmes at their first dinner meeting, showing that Holmes isn't always spot-on with his observations and powers of deduction.

The more pressing issue is that the evil mystic Lord Blackwood (Strong), whom Holmes and Watson thwart just as he is about to sacrifice a young woman, has seemingly resurrected after his execution by hanging.    Like Jesus, he arose from his tomb, pushed aside the giant stone blocking it, and walked away from the cemetery no worse for wear.   Blackwood goes on to terrify the city with aid of a secret society of occult followers while threatening mass destruction and a new world order (something involving getting the United States back under England's umbrella again).     Blackwood can seemingly produce spells at will which paralyze, kill, or merely set people on fire without aid of a flamethrower.    Holmes is on the case, but how is Blackwood performing these supernatural acts? 
Is he a true purveyor of the dark arts, or a con artist? 

Holmes along the way reencounters Irene Adler (McAdams), a shady woman from his past who once broke his heart.    She works for an even more shadowy figure in Professor Moriarty, whose identity remains hidden and wants to engage Holmes in a showdown of master intellects, and possibly kill him.   Downey and McAdams engage in intellectual foreplay and have chemistry, although not as much as Downey and Law, who if we didn't know better could pass for a gay couple.    There is no evidence they are gay, but there are vibes.

Sherlock Holmes is a cheerfully preposterous action film with the indefatigable sleuth as its center. 
At times, the action is hard to follow, and Holmes thankfully recaps how we got here at critical points.   Like all great detectives of fiction, he stops everything to explain how he magnificently solved the crime, and I can't say I'd be surprised to see Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple transformed into brilliant ass-kickers in the near future. 



  

The Loudest Voice (2019) * * * (on Showtime)

Starring:  Russell Crowe, Naomi Watts, Seth MacFarlane, Sienna Miller, Annabelle Wallis

Roger Ailes was exiled from CNBC in the mid-1990's and by hook or by crook, created Fox News and turned it into a cable ratings juggernaut which speaks to a rabidly conservative audience...whether you like it or not.    Your opinions may vary on the content of Fox News, but you can't deny its influence on the political landscape.    Ailes, as we learned later, conducted a work environment of intimidation, harassment, and power plays, mostly against the female employees.    His "affair" with associate Laurie Luhn (Wallis) is borderline sexual slavery, which causes Laurie to mentally break down and start popping pills.    Whistleblower Gretchen Carlson (Watts) brought Ailes tumbling down, but the Fox News empire remains stronger than ever.  

If you're a Fox News watcher, you may think of Ailes as a visionary who gave those who perceived "a liberal media bias" a safe haven for their views.    If Fox News represents all you abhor, then your reaction to Ailes demanding his newscasters refer to Barack Obama as "Barack HUSSEIN Obama" is appropriately less than enthusiastic.    But we see the arc of how Fox News shaped the political game, beginning with 9/11, throughout the Obama administration, and through the Trump election.    Ailes did not play fair, and it set the tone for the shift in Republican tactics in the past decade, which were never more evident than the 2016 Presidential election, which Hillary Clinton lost due to equal parts complacency and defensiveness.    She seemed to be playing catch-up to Donald Trump in every facet of the campaign, and it cost her.    If you don't believe Roger Ailes and Fox News didn't fan these flames or even help start the blaze, then you're not paying attention.

Russell Crowe plays Ailes with robust bombast.    He's not just the loudest voice, but the shrewdest, most paranoid, and most devious as well.    While others play by unwritten rules of conduct, Ailes obliterates the written and unwritten rulebook for his own selfish purposes.    He achieves more satisfaction from power than he does in any personal relationship, including his subservient wife (Miller), who transforms into an Ailes minion before our eyes, and Laurie, whom he demeans through constantly self-serving sexual demands.

Ailes' created a culture which proved to be so toxic that it led to the dismissal of himself, Bill O'Reilly and others from Fox News, and this in turn led to the birth of the #MeToo movement, which many Fox News watchers would ironically deride, but fail to see how their favorite network played such a huge role in its creation.    Rupert Murdoch would eventually cede editorial control to Ailes around 2009, which led to both record ratings and the toxicity which followed.    The dynamic between Murdoch and Ailes is interesting.   Murdoch is the boss, but Ailes seems to wield more power even though he is technically the underling, mostly because Ailes seeks out conflict like a tenacious bulldog, while Murdoch would prefer to rake in money with as little controversy as possible.   This is how The Loudest Voice depicts the Murdoch-Ailes relationship, with creative license coming into play, I would bet.

The Loudest Voice is unsettling, frustrating, but never boring.   We are a witness to Fox News setting the pace for this nation's political discourse, and we are helpless to do anything but sit by and watch it unfold piece by piece.    Depending on your viewpoint of the polarizing Ailes, he is either a TV genius (as he would be proud to tell you if you asked him), or a monster who abused his power and preyed on women simply because he could.    It's impossible to separate Ailes' influence from his terrible behavior, which The Loudest Voice wisely doesn't attempt to do.    I find it isn't possible to separate Ailes' influence and creation from the means he utilized to obtain his goals.   Others may differ, but hopefully there are few who do.