Major League (1989) * * *

Directed by:  David S. Ward

Starring:  Tom Berenger, Charlie Sheen, Corbin Bernsen, James Gammon, Wesley Snipes, Margaret Whitton, Bob Uecker, Rene Russo, Dennis Haysbert, Chelcie Ross, Charles Cyphers

Thirty years after the release of Major League, the Cleveland Indians are no longer sad sacks.   They still haven't won a World Series since 1948, but they've been to three World Series (the last was in 2016 when they lost to the only team with a longer World Series victory drought than theirs...the Chicago Cubs) and are consistently atop the standings.    In the world of Major League, the Indians represent ultimate futility.   The club's new owner, former stripper Rachel Phelps (Whitton), inherited the team from her late husband and wants to move the Tribe to Miami.    How to accomplish this?   By putting together a team of misfits, has-beens, and never-wases who will mire in last place and sink attendance so low that the league will permit her to move the team. 

The "stars" of the team are Jake Taylor (Berenger), a washed up catcher with bum knees, Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn (Sheen), a pitcher fresh from prison with a 100 mph fastball and no control, Willie Mays Hayes (Snipes), a cocky rookie who "runs like Mays, but hits like Hayes,", Roger Dorn (Bernsen), a third baseman who doesn't believe in diving for the ball, and Pedro Cerrano (Haysbert), who has home run power but can't hit curveballs .    The Indians are managed by crusty Lou Brown (Gammon), who worked previously at Tire World and had to think hard before accepting the thankless task of babysitting these losers.   

Spring training is scary, the regular season is even scarier, with the Indians playing in front of sparse home crowds and looking pathetic in the process.    They are the grown-up version of the Bad News Bears, and their radio play-by-play man (played with good humor by Bob Uecker) has to creatively cover up how sad they are.  ("The Indians dropped a heartbreaker to the Yankees, 9-0")   Rachel is thrilled and can see Miami in her future, but then the Indians unexpectedly start to win some games and threaten to spoil her plans.    It wouldn't be much of a movie if the Indians stayed in last place the entire season.

The players are colorful, and each has his own backstory.   Jake is trying to win back his former girlfriend (Russo) who broke up with him because he cheated on her.  Rick is trying to throw strikes and is involved in a feud with Roger, while Pedro turns to voodoo to try and break the curse curveballs seem to have on him.    The results keep us amused until the Big Game, which has the authentic, energetic feel of a playoff game.    There are gripes, including how only the stars conveniently bat 1 through 4 in the lineup (an old catcher with bad knees hits second?) and the rest of the batters are never seen taking a swing.    The Indians only seem to have two pitchers, Vaughn and aging Eddie Harris (Ross), who specializes in spitballs, since they are the only ones ever seen throwing from the mound. 

The movie's stars are also the only ones featured in an American Express commercial, which must really annoy the roughly twenty other players who comprise the Cleveland Indians.    Those guys need better agents.