300 (2007) * 1/2

Directed by:  Zack Snyder

Starring:  Gerard Butler, Lena Headey


300 is a video game masquerading as a movie.     300 Spartans defend their homeland from invading Persians.    The Spartans have to know this is a death sentence because there is no way to hold off that many Persians, but that doesn't stop their leader King Leonidas (Butler) from giving loud pep talks to his crew.    Somehow they believe they are nobly facing death.    To me, they're suicidal. 

But since everything in the movie is CGI, including the muscles on the Spartans, the battles are very, very bloody and little is gained.    Nothing looks realistic and the tone of the movie is depressing.   The Spartans kill a group of invaders and then, like a video game, another group is brought in to take their place.    Soon enough, the Spartans may be fortunate enough to kill enough Persians to battle Xerxes, the Persian ruler who sits on a throne atop a very long staircase.     If you kill him, the game, er, movie is over.     Or of course, if the Spartans are wiped out, the game, er, movie is over also.    Getting to that point, however, is a joyless enterprise.

There is really no one in this movie to root for.   The Spartans are loud, mean, arrogant guys who fight with their children to toughen them up.    The Persians are nameless, faceless drones who are there to be killed.    There is even a hunchback who wants to fight with the Spartans, but is rejected by Leonidas.    I don't get the King's thinking here.    What does one more body hurt, especially when facing the odds they were?    The hunchback reminded me of Gollum from The Lord Of The Rings movies.    Even the Queen of Sparta (Headey) is vicious.   Maybe the King should've taken her along too.   She seemed able to handle herself.

There is nothing inspiring, hopeful, or fun about 300.    There are gallons of blood spilled in the battle scenes and after a while, the killings become numbing.    I'm guessing the filmmakers wanted the film to be a rousing action thriller in which the undermanned good guys fight with all of their might against the big, bad Persians.     But since the Persians aren't presented in any light other than as targets to be slaughtered and the Spartans are hardly sympathetic, we're left with a blood-soaked slog of a movie.     It's sad that so many had to die ugly just so 300 could finally be over and we could all move on.