Caligula (1980) Zero Stars

Starring :  Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O' Toole, John Gielgud


I recently gave some thought to putting out an updated list of the 10 worst films I've ever seen.     It will be a tough undertaking.     Many years back, I listed films like Homework, Critical Condition, and A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon among them, but I saw them a generation ago.    I barely remember them and I have little desire to revisit them, but could they make my list when I've seen some pretty shoddy films within the past decade?

One film sure to make my list, if not top it, is Caligula.    Caligula is trash.    A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon was incompetent, but at least it tried to be entertaining and redeeming.     Caligula is a dark, murky, ugly, vile movie.    It centers on the Roman emperor Caligula and all of his debauchery, but it has no plot to speak of.     The movie's poster listed, "Bob Guccione Presents..." which alerts the viewer that it will be sexually explicit among other things.    I ask, however, how proud the late Penthouse publisher was when he saw the finished product.   Or did he even bother to view it?     I wouldn't blame him if he didn't, but he kept his name atop the title.

The film runs over two and a half hours, but I bailed out on it about halfway through.    I doubt I missed anything important.     It's unlikely Caligula became a watchable film after I stopped viewing it.    There was such a mishmash of nonsense going on that it's little wonder the director removed his name from the credits.    I think the screenwriter did too, since the credits read "Based on a screenplay from Gore Vidal", whatever that means.    This isn't a big loss since I saw no evidence of a workable screenplay anyway.   What was filmed were lewd acts, cruelties, and very reputable actors appearing in scenes which don't connect to anything.     Rumors circulate that the scenes involving Peter O' Toole and John Gielgud were shot separately and ungainly edited into the rest of the action.     Helen Mirren was a young actress at the time and likely needed the work, but McDowell was the star of A Clockwork Orange and Time After Time (both very good films).    What attracted him to this project except the payday?     McDowell has appeared in numerous films and TV shows since Caligula, so his career wasn't derailed, but still.

So let me see.   What was presented in Caligula?    Incest, bloody executions, a man forced to drink gallons of wine and then has his stomach pierced, and for reasons still unknown to me; numerous cuts to guys masturbating in dark halls.    It's as if the filmmakers simply kept upping the ante to see how much the viewer can stomach.     Why would a filmmaker so cruelly treat his audience with such disdain?    I don't know.

Roger Ebert usually awarded zero stars to films which were contemptible, nasty, and with no social value.    If Caligula doesn't fit that description, then no movie ever will.