Under The Cherry Moon (1986) * 1/2

Directed by:  Prince

Starring: Prince, Jerome Benton, Kristin Scott-Thomas, Steven Berkoff, Francesca Annis

Under The Cherry Moon is a vanity project run amok.    It should have been stopped at the development stage.    I do not know whose idea it was to have Prince make his directorial debut with a black and white film in which he plays a French Riviera gigolo, but someone should have had the sense to say no.   Prince was so big at the time that he probably did not hear no that often.    The movie proves two things:  Prince is a much better singer than actor, and he is a better actor than he is a director.   

Prince spends a lot of time pursing his lips and ogling women in a way that would have them seconds away from calling 911.    When we see Christopher (Prince) making eye contact with Mary (Scott-Thomas), the trust fund baby who is the target of his scheme to enrich himself, we experience serial killer vibes.    As Under The Cherry Moon opens, Christopher is a club pianist and part-time gigolo.    Or is he a full-time gigolo and a part-time pianist?    Either way, he makes good money romancing rich, older, lonely women, but not enough to move out of his shitty apartment he shares with his friend Tricky (Benton).    What exactly is the relationship between Tricky and Christopher?   Tricky sits by the tub while Christopher takes a bubble bath and well, the vibes suggest that surely they're gay, right? 

Benton was also in Prince's Purple Rain (1984) playing the guy who followed Morris Day around with a mirror.    There is no mirror this time around, but he is essentially playing the worshipful follower once again.    He is forever bending Christopher's ear about landing the big score so they could move back to Miami.    I think it is briefly explained that they owe people money in Miami.   
Christopher, nonetheless, saunters around the Riviera wearing clothes that would shame Liberace.  

The look of the film suggests a throwback to 1930's and 40's B-movies in which everyone smoked and drank a lot in exotic places.    The exterior shots (and parts of the film) are edited so clumsily and hastily that a homemade YouTube video using the same footage would be superior in quality.    I do not know who assumed that moviegoers were clamoring for a revisit to these old movies, but that person was mistaken.    However, even though the cars are older model cars and the people behave like they were attending extravagant parties thrown in the 1950's, there are answering machines and modern day conveniences as well.    This may explain the use of black and white photography, but doesn't excuse it.

Prince was more in his element as a rocker in Purple Rain.    The film was basically one long music video, but there were some good songs.    The soundtrack to Under The Cherry Moon is music performed by Prince, but other than the ubiquitous Kiss, the songs are forgettable.    There is even a point in which the movie stops dead so Prince, er Christopher, can belt out a Prince tune which sounds anachronistic for a movie that looks and acts like it is set in the 50's.   

As played by Prince, Christopher is such a narcissistic, silly twerp that we can't buy him as a gigolo or even a reforming gigolo who falls for Mary.   Christopher even dons sunglasses in the dead of night while stealing Mary away from a flight which would reunite her with her unseen fiancé.    This suggests that even in a scene where he is pouring his heart to his love, he is too cool for the room.   Benton provides some comic relief as the perpetual sidekick who may be half in love with Christopher.    The other actors, including Steven Berkoff as Mary's dickhead father who wants to keep she and Christopher apart, and Francesca Annis as one of Christopher's clients who is also sleeping with Berkoff, are veterans who do their best to work with the material they have.  

Did I mention that Prince takes this story that is as old as the hills so seriously?   He thinks no one has seen a romantic movie before in which a gigolo/moneygrubber reforms his ways and expresses his true love for one woman.    Such material can be made fresh with style and energy, but Under The Cherry Moon lacks both.    A fatal error is casting Prince in the lead, because he comes off as an aloof creep with whom we can't sympathize. 

I pity actors like Scott-Thomas, Berkoff, and Annis, who toiled away for years in theater and drama classes only to play second fiddle to Jerome Benton and Prince.    Acting is such an unforgiving, cold profession.