Ted 2 (2015) * 1/2

Directed by:  Seth MacFarlane

Starring:  Mark Wahlberg, Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, John Slattery, Giovanni Ribisi, Morgan Freeman, John Carroll Lynch, Jessica Barth, Patrick Warburton

The original Ted maybe one laugh (although I'm hard pressed to recall it), but was mostly an exercise by Seth MacFarlane to show everyone how clever he is by inserting numerous obscure 80's references.     Oh, and there was that creepy kidnapping subplot and Ted and John smoking weed...a lot.     And let's not forget the insertion of Sam J. Jones, who played Flash Gordon.   How is that funny?   How is any of this funny?    I haven't formally reviewed Ted yet, but I'd give it one and a half stars and now I don't need to write a review since I practically just did.  

Ted 2 is more of the same.      Obscure 80's references.    Check.     Creepy recycled kidnapping subplot.    Check.    Ted and John smoking weed by themselves and with others.    Check.    Sam J. Jones.     Check.    Seth MacFarlane made the same movie, except his 80's references are different but still reek of smarminess.     It was a sequel that didn't need to be made.     One Ted was more than enough.   

For those not baptized in the world of Ted, the title character is actually a living, breathing teddy bear who has been best friends with slacker John Bennett (Wahlberg) since John was a child.     Ted is voiced by Seth MacFarlane and sounds exactly like Peter Griffin (from MacFarlane's Family Guy).     He came to life only to do drugs and chase women despite the fact that he has no penis.     He's a teddy bear, remember.      Once you get past the novelty of a teddy bear swearing up a storm and taking hits from bongs (which takes about five seconds), then you realize a little Ted goes a long way.    A very, very long way.

Ted 2 has a threadbare plot in which Ted is deemed as property by the government and he goes to court to fight for his civil rights.     Their attorney is Sam L. Jackson (Seyfried) who loves to hit the bong as much as John and Ted do.     If you didn't catch the name, Ted makes sure to point out its significance to her and the audience.     Groan.    There are at least four or five sequences of John, Ted, Sam, or any combination of the three smoking weed.      Is there something funny about smoking weed that has escaped me?     MacFarlane thinks the visual of someone smoking weed should be enough to draw laughs.   

What brings about Ted's civil case is his attempt to father a child through artificial insemination.     His plan at first is to home invade Tom Brady's house while he is sleeping, jerk him off, and inseminate Ted's wife (Barth) with the semen.      The entire sequence is awkward and unfunny.     Brady was probably doing a favor for his off-screen friend Mark Wahlberg, but geez even friendship should have its limits.     There are many homoerotic jokes too which pepper a great deal of MacFarlane's work.     I'm missing the humor there too.

Ted 2 features cameos by Liam Neeson (who co-starred in A Million Ways to Die in the West) as a grown man buying Trix in a scene with no payoff and Morgan Freeman as a civil rights lawyer.     Freeman performs as if he is being forced to appear in order to pay off a gambling debt.     He'd rather be hiding under a desk.     Other actors who have performed in other MacFarlane projects show up here too, including Patrick Warburton as a bullying homosexual who terrorizes Comic Con.     They should screen MacFarlane's calls next time.

I picture MacFarlane cracking himself up or patting himself on the back when making allusions to The Breakfast Club or having Ted perform a dance number over the opening credits.     It is good to see he is easily amused, even if we are not.      MacFarlane also throws in his quota of bodily fluid gags involving a sperm bank.     The bar was "raised" when a kid drank his own semen in American Pie and movies have been trying to top that ever since.     It is not a trend that will stop anytime soon.

In three movies now, Ted, A Million Ways to Die in the West, and now Ted 2, MacFarlane has shown his ability to throw gags at the wall at a numbing pace to see what will stick.     Most do not.    MacFarlane even recycles jokes about how big Amanda Seyfried's eyes are from A Million Ways...
You know a filmmaker is desperate when he is ripping off material from his own films.