Directed by: Nikolaj Arcel
Starring: Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor
The Dark Tower is a defeated movie. There is a curious lack of energy which dooms the film from the start. Sometimes, from the opening frame, you can tell a movie is a clunker. This is one of those movies. The characters are not ones we grow to care about much. Aside from present day New York, the film takes place on a desolate planet which acts as the middle ground between our planet and another which houses the dark tower of the title. It seems the tower can be destroyed by the thoughts of psychic children (not adults, children), which are harnessed into streams of fire which hit the tower causing earthquakes throughout the solar system. But only the truly powerful psychic children can destroy the tower with their harnessed thoughts. The evil Man in Black (no not Johnny Cash), played by Matthew McConaughey, has a team of computer geeks (yes, computer geeks) who assist him in locating these children so he can kidnap them and use their powers to destroy the tower.
What will happen if the tower is destroyed? I am glad you asked. According to The Gunslinger (Elba), who is the last of a group of (men?) (aliens?) who protect the universe from The Man in Black's diabolical scheme, the tower acts as the source of a force field which holds evil aliens at bay just outside our universe (or is it solar system?) which are dying to come in and take over. The Man in Black wants to unleash the dreaded interlopers onto our world by destroying the tower. Does he get a bonus of some kind for helping the evildoers? Is he going to be made President of the new world order? He surely is invested in their success for whatever payoff he will derive from his actions.
The Man in Black can cause instant death by merely waving his hand or, if he is in a playful mood, performs Jedi mind tricks on others and wreaks havoc for his amusement. It is odd that The Gunslinger, armed with merely an old-fashioned revolver, can possibly kill The Man in Black with a bullet, even if the bullet is said to be taken from the same metal that created the Excalibur sword from the King Arthur legend. It just seems wrong that a gunshot could kill someone with such heavy-duty powers. It also seems wrong that the Man in Black would need a computer team to locate people. Do the computer guys use Google Universe?
The world of dark towers, gunslingers, and a Man in Black haunt the dreams of 11-year-old Jake (Tom Taylor), who naturally can't convince anyone of the reality of his visions. Through use of a portal found in a dilapidated Brooklyn home, Jake portals to the aforementioned middle planet where he comes across The Gunslinger, who is itching for revenge against the Man in Black for killing his father years ago. The Gunslinger is inexplicably immune to the Man in Black's powers, so he doesn't just fall over dead. The Gunslinger roams a planet which seems stuck in an Old West time warp and Lord knows The Man in Black wouldn't be caught dead there, so fortunately Jake comes along to bring The Gunslinger into present day New York. Someplace The Man in Black might actually hang out.
Yes, the entire story of The Dark Tower is silly, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the movie has a solemn pall hanging over it; a gloom that presses down on everyone from which the movie can't recover. No one seems to be having any fun, not even the villain even as he delivers one-liners. Elba seems to be portraying The Gunslinger as more of a duty. Tom Taylor just doesn't register much as the movie plods along grimly. I also find it funny that The Man in Black and The Gunslinger, who have all of these supernatural powers, have real names like Walter and Roland respectively. The Man in Black sounds foreboding and mysterious. Walter does not.
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