Dirty Work (1998) *

Directed by:  Bob Saget

Starring:  Norm MacDonald, Artie Lange, Jack Warden, Chevy Chase

There are so many cameos in this film that I wonder if all of them owed director Bob Saget a favor.   Whatever Saget did for them couldn't possibly be worth appearing in Dirty Work as payback.    But reputable actors such as Jack Warden, Christopher McDonald, John Goodman, and Chevy Chase appear.   Other not-so-reputable ones such as Gary Coleman, Ken Norton, and Chris Farley also show up.    I can understand the Farley and Adam Sandler (yes, he's here too) connection since both appeared on Saturday Night Live with star Norm MacDonald, but who knows what compelled the others.    Whatever it is, I hope they're squared with Saget now.  

I know that expecting too much out of this comedy is like expecting a dog to master calculus, but some laughs wouldn't hurt.   Instead, we get flatly delivered jokes and a slog through a dumb plot.   Norm MacDonald was able to pull off Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live years ago, but that required just a few minutes of on-camera time.    Asking him to carry a movie is simply too much to ask.    He seems detached from his own film, which is strange considering he co-wrote it.     There are plenty of raunchy sex jokes, homophobic angles, and Jack Warden constantly mentioning wanting a whore, as if we'll finally laugh at it the 87th time it is said.    The entire movie is tone deaf.

MacDonald co-stars with Artie Lange as Mitch and Sam, lifelong friends and adulthood losers that can't hold jobs or girlfriends.    Sam's father (Warden) suffers a heart attack and needs a new heart.   His doctor (Chevy Chase), says he can get the transplant done for $50,000 if the bumbling duo can raise it within two weeks.    Chase's Dr. Farthing is a degenerate gambler who owes the money to bookies, but it's never made clear if the money to pay off the bookies or for the heart.   Nonetheless, after failing to raise any money at first, Mitch and Sam open a "revenge for hire" business.   People who have beefs with others pay them to exact revenge.   All of these scenarios provide absolutely zero laughs.

 One scene which develops with no payoff is when Mitch and Sam are hired to mess with a man's very loud neighbors.   The two invade the house and plant dead fish everywhere, assuming the eventual stench will drive them from the house.    The homeowners, who turn out to be drug dealers, come home early which causes Mitch and Sam to hide in another room.    What happens next drones on endlessly.   And I mean endlessly.    The scene drags out until any possible comedy is drained from it.    There are editors for a reason, although some movies don't take advantage of their services.

Mitch even manages a love interest, a pretty girl named Kathy (Traylor Howard) who likely took the role because she had to pay the rent.    There is more to the plot, involving a shady real estate mogul and lots of double-crossing, but I won't bore you with the details.   If you're truly interested in the entire plot, watch Dirty Work.     Remember, it's your ninety minutes of free time that you'll never get back.