F9 (2021) * *

Directed by:  Justin Lin

Starring:  Vin Diesel, John Cena, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Charlize Theron, Jordana Brewster, Kurt Russell

You have to give the Fast and Furious movies this much:  They are always topping themselves with the cartoon action which defy the laws of physics, gravity, and sanity.   F9 features two members of Dom Torretto's crew using a rocket launcher strapped to a Fiero to propel themselves into outer space to disrupt an orbiting satellite used to spread a computer virus.   What will the virus do?   Something to do with putting nuclear systems and computer capabilities into the hands of the user...I think.

I am amused when such viruses or programs are invented and the creators "want to make sure it didn't fall into the wrong hands,"  Then why make it in the first place?   This is a minor quibble compared to the lunacy that follows.   Criticizing a movie like F9 for being ludicrous is like taking a cat to task for not mastering chess.   Yes, F9 is stunts, crashes, and CGI run wild, but that isn't my primary issue with it.   Even with all of the chaos and fury, it manages to feel routine and occasionally boring.   How many fights and chases can one stand in a nearly two-and-a-half hour movie?

Superspy Dom Torretto (Diesel) begins F9 in seclusion and off the grid on a farm somewhere with wife Letty (Rodriguez) and his daughter.   The peace and quiet is soon interrupted by his cohorts, who want Dom to travel to Mexico with them to find the whereabouts of their boss Mr. Nobody (Russell).   Mr. Nobody was on board the plane which was transporting Cipher (Theron) to justice and was soon blown up after Cipher was extracted by a "rogue agent".   The rogue agent is Dom's estranged brother Jakob (Cena), whom Dom blames for their father's death in a car race thirty years ago. 

Cena wears a scowl through most of the movie while Dom stares intensely at him to convey the issues between them.   Jakob is tired of living in Dom's shadow while Dom cannot forgive Jakob for their dad's untimely death.   No matter what the backstory is, their arc creaks to its inexorable conclusion.   These scenes involving Dom and Jakob are the only time the movie slows down intentionally.   The rest is balls to the wall and pedal to the metal, an assault on the senses and sanity.   When F10 is inevitably made, I could cut and paste this review and only change around a couple of names.   I would like to be surprised, but the makers of the first nine Fast and Furious movies aren't in this game for surprises.   The same is said for the audiences.   Billions of dollars in grosses can't be wrong.